„I can tell you about one situation, which could convince you that I´m telling you the truth, but it depends on how good a memory you have.“ I look at Tom searchingly.
„When I came to our party, I had to walk through a back door leading to a courtyard. I looked like some forest man. I wore your old cap, my eyes were covered with dark sunglasses and I had a full beard. I had to look weird. That time nobody looking like that was in our team. I relied on knowing everyone there and I would have been able to convince them easily that I belong there. When I wanted to walk through the courtyard, I saw us smoking together at the door behind the club. I had to wait until we got back inside. On the way to the club I visited the toilets. When I opened the door, you stood there at the basin washing your hands. I was standing there like a statue and I wasn’t able to move. When you were passing by me on your way out, you nodded to greet me,“ I´m waiting to see if that piece of information takes any effect on Tom.
He goes on talking. „I went from that toilet directly to David and asked him who that man was and if he belonged there, because it scared me how he was staring at me. But David was already drunk, so I let it go. Later on, Andreas also asked me about the man, he obviously found you strange too. But, I would have never thought that the guy was you…“ Tom speculates and then continues, „we talked about the letter for two days after the party. You kept telling me that someone gave you a letter that I wrote and I kept telling you no, because I´d never written such a letter. When I wanted to see it, you told me that it simply had disappeared from your pocket,“ Tom finishes and I can see that now everything is really chaotic in his head and that he is trying to put all the puzzle pieces together.
„Yeah, that may really have happened, because when we were talking about that after the party, our future had changed already and you didn’t write anything the following day, meaning the letter most likely disappeared,“ I speculate out loud. „So, do you believe me already?“ I look carefully at Tom.
He hesitates for a while, thinking what answer to give me and then he stands up, comes close to me, gives me a kiss on my forehead and says: „So, welcome in your new life, love.“
With a big sigh of relief I embrace him and just snuggle against his neck happily.
As soon as we part, he goes to the bar in silence, opens it, takes a bottle and two glasses and pours us something strong. He gives me a glass, taps it lightly and drinks his own down.
He falls back into the sofa, relaxes his head against the beck rest and closes his eyes. „Perhaps I will take a nap,“ he says uncomplainingly. It´s obvious that he still hasn’t got over this shock properly.
I´m still holding the drink in my hand, I sniff at it to see what kind of shot Tom poured me and I sip carefully. Ugh, I don´t like the strong stuff, but I drink it up anyway.
Tom is still sitting with his eyes closed and he looks like he´s going to fall asleep. I sit down next to him taking his hand into mine carefully.
He opens his eyes, looks at me, put the glass on the table and strokes my cheek slowly. „So, you are actually a completely different person than the one I woke up next to this morning? Sorry, baby, but my brain refuses to take it in. Why does it have to be so complicated? The two of us can´t have an easy life together, huh? First a forbidden love and now this. It´s too much for one poor Tom, you know?“ He smiles at me and squeezes my hand.
What can I possibly reply to this? „Well, we will have to overcome it together somehow, Tomi, you know what people say; that love can overcome mountains? After a month I will hopefully remember everything and you will have the same Bill here as before.“ I try to calm him down somehow, but I am not sure I can believe it myself.. I know that it´s going to be difficult. I have to learn at least the most basic things about my current life and only he can help me with that.
After a while I interrupt the deadly silence. „Tom, please, could you tell me at least something about us?“ I look at him imploringly. „So far the only thing I know is that we live in Berlin, that Sabine acts most likely my make-to-believe girlfriend and that I still have enough of money to afford all the expensive clothes and a grand villa. I don´t know how I should do my hair, I have no idea what´s going on with our parents, with the band and how it is between the two of us.“ I´m looking at my love and I´m waiting for the answer. It is possible that now I am going to find out what I might have ruined with my intervention in the past. I´m as nervous as before a concert. But it´s also possible that there are no more concerts…
„Our parents are okay.“ Tom smiles at me. „Mom still complains that we visit them so rarely. The band is busier than ever before. We had a little bit of a bad time for a while, when some journalist caught us kissing in the car, but thanks to a big sum of money and Sabine, it blew over quickly. We covered it nicely. You’ve been ‚going out‘ with her for two years now and she is regularly spending the night here in the room next to the bedroom, about two or three times a week. She is really nice, she´s doing this all for us only based on our friendship and I´m happy that we met her in this reality and not in your old life. Because I´m still enjoying this life.“
He makes a face and continues. „We both still have enough money and I can assure you that you are still famous and an admired singer, don´t worry.“ He winks at me and it´s obvious that he is having a good time telling me all of this, because he knows how vain I am and how I like to be in the limelight. I relax considerably , because the thought of living off something other than music really scares me.
Tom can sense how I feel and gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek, that’s how happy he is, but then he continues. „You better have a look on Internet. There you will find everything the fans know about us and what they don´t know I´m going to tell you step by step. Gustav has had the same girlfriend for three years already. A bit of a mousy girl in my opinion, but she suits him well. Her name is Adel, you´re surely going to meet her soon, she comes to all of our practice sessions.“ Tom grins and it´s obvious that he doesn’t like her too much.
„And our dear Georg got married just one month ago. He had to, poor thing… they´re going to have a family. For such a long time he has been searching for the right one and the one has finally caught him. Vanessa is an Italian and she´s got such a cute accent,“ he imitates her and it is obvious that he´s having a good fun. „But they’re very much in love and Gee can barely wait to have that little baby. I don´t envy him though; a slobbery toddler isn’t really the thing I´m longing for.“ He gives me an amused smile.
„I was there as his best man and we really partied that night. Two days later I still felt sick. I walked home on all fours, but fortunately I had you as a company, my reliable, always perfect bro. I´m still that carefree, restless guitarist, who never disappoints to take some chick back to his hotel room and then sends her home with some brilliant excuse, to be able to come back home to you.“ He pats his hand on the sofa next to him. „The most important thing is, that in the media I´m always seen in the company of a beautiful girl. By the way, I’m running low on excuses and I´m afraid that it’s going to blow up in my face one day, but we have talked about this a hundred times already and we’ve never come to a better solution.“
He looks at me reproachfully. „Because you are, dear, terribly jealous and you always suspect I really have a go with those girls, which is nonsense, of course, because I do this why?“ He looks at me. „Because I love you,“ he finishes, then gives me a kiss on my ear and drops my hand. He leans over to the table, opens his laptop in attempt to show me what´s new.
I stop to gather my thoughts. I just heard it for the first time, coming straight from him. Did he really say it? Did he say that he loved me? It´s like heavenly music to my ears. It doesn’t compare to when I read it in the letter. That time it was a shock, but this was something totally else. I´m completely dumbfounded and I´m not able to answer him. I should tell him the same, but now it doesn’t seem like a good time.
„Hey, Bill!“ I can hear next my ear. „Where are you? I’ve been telling you for five minutes about the band and your mind has drifted off completely.“ He smiles at me.
„Yeah, I´m here now. And thanks,“ I answer him almost whispering.
„For what?“ he asks, stunned.
„For the thing you told me a moment ago, I heard it for the first time, you see.“
He gives me a beautiful smile and says: „You´re welcome.“ He turns back to the laptop on his knees and repeats everything again I didn’t catch before. He is so cute.
We search for some pictures of me for a while. Finally I can see my haircut, but I´m not really getting it. I have been told that I have my personal hairdresser, so I will have to ask her sneakily for the guidance. In a while I will surely get the hang of it. We are lucky that Gee is on honeymoon and the band is on hiatus now, at least during the summer, because I’ve found that we have just released a new album recently and I don´t know the songs at all. In September we´re going on tour with our new material, but now the concert would probably be a total disaster. I can imagine headlines in newspaper: ‚Tokio Hotel’s singer forgot lyrics of his own songs! What happened to him? Is he losing his memory? Is it a brain tumor?‘ and other stupid crap like that. But they would be at least partially right about the memory thing, it’s just I have not lost it, I just have not reloaded it back yet.
Tom shows me the entire flat and I find out where all the things are. Right after that we have a look at his part of the house, which we share. I have my own keys, so I can come in and leave anytime I please, as he can do the same in my flat. It has been decorated the way he likes it. It´s not as luxurious as my place, but it suits his style.
Then, against my protests, Tom shows me down to the cellar, and I find out that instead of coal and old trash I was expecting to find, there is a wonderful recording studio in there, something we always used to dream about with the band. To be able to record at any time and for as long as we want has always been our wish.
Behind the house there is a garage big enough for two cars and of course the bigger and more comfortable one must be mine. Tom has a showy sport car and most likely he also bags all the chicks in it. He was right, I´m a little bit jealous just thinking about it. I will have to start doing something about that because he believes and trusts me, even though I have just told him the most unbelievable story, he doesn’t deserve my mistrust indeed.
