I got a message. My first message in my new life, but unfortunately from a totally unknown person. A name, ‚Frank‘, lights up the display. I confirm with a button ‚read message‘.
‚Hey Bill, I can´t wait to meet and have a fun with you again. Come by soon, bye bye, Frank.‘
I finish reading it and sink down on a chair at the table. Tom was right…
I feel like I have a fever all of a sudden, being so hot that I must stand up and open a window. I must have been unfaithful to him and he felt it, that´s why our relationship had been strange lately. Oh my god, how can I tell him? It would kill him, I can´t do that.
I delete the crazy message immediately, but I will remember each word of it until the end of my life anyway. I have to make a plan, how to have all the stuff figured out without hurting Tom. First of all I´m going to try to find out who the hell Frank is and what he is to me and then I will see. Naturally, I will end it with him immediately, having my only love I can ever be devoted to and I don´t need any Frank on a side. I won´t let my new life be destroyed by some needy guy.
I throw the cell phone back on the table. Damn, it´s not like me! I’ve never been unfaithful to any of my girlfriends, even though I didn’t really love them. I don´t understand how it could happen. Maybe I really am that different in this life? But what could possibly be a reason for such a change? It seems that the nature of a human being isn’t so stable as I thought. I feel like crying, but that wouldn’t help anyway…
„Bill,“ his voice is reaching me from the living room. „Where did you disappear?“ Tom calls me and I feel like fainting when I imagine that I will have to start lying to him. I stand up from the chair and I try to have a normal expression on my face.
„I´m in here, I´m just thinking about random stuff,“ I answer from the kitchen.
„Come back…“ whines my brother and I can´t do anything else but obey. I feel like the biggest jerk in all of Europe, but I have to control myself.
„What happened? Do you miss me already? Or do you need some help with putting on your clothes?“ I start speaking to him like to a small child and I slowly collect the pieces of clothing from the floor.
„I don´t want to put any clothes on. I feel good like this,“ he declares and stretches himself on the sofa like a cat. „I want you back in here snuggled next to me…“ He taps the free place which I left a while ago.
„We don´t have any plans for today? Are we just going to lie in bed the entire day?“ I ask, giving him a kiss on his nose and sitting down next to him.
„Recently, I have had lots of free time, but if you tell me what day it is today, maybe I can tell you what you are doing.“ That little devil smirks at me and runs his hand over my butt.
„Shoo!“ I jokingly slap his searching hand and try to remember what day of week it actually is today. „I think it´s Wednesday,“ I say out loud.
„Uh huh, then you´re going to have a game of chess with Frank today, if I´m not wrong,“ he says and my jaw drops.
„Who is Frank?“ I ask carefully.
„He´s one of your long time fans. He´s in a wheelchair and every last Wednesday of the month you visit him and you play chess together. He always wins and he´s always incredibly happy afterwards and he really enjoys the time spent with you. You’ve been doing this for five years now and it´s working well. The only thing is that you still haven’t learnt how to play chess properly.“ Tom smirks at me and I feel such a relief that there’s no way in the world he couldn’t not notice that. So I´m having fun with Frank playing chess, not rolling between the sheets? That´s the best joke of the month. I´m such a geek.
I start to laugh out loud while walking back into the kitchen to get my cell phone. I tell Tom the whole story and at the same time, I am writing a message to Frank that I´m also looking forward to seeing him again. I press ‚send message‘ and look at Tom. I stop laughing, because even though he seems to be laughing with me, expression in his face is weary and strange somehow.
„What´s wrong, Tomi?“ I ask him.
„You weren’t going to tell me about that, were you?“ Tom asks me timidly.
„You mean me telling you about getting the message from Frank?“ I guess and I understand that I went all wrong about it. „You see, I was in such a shock that the first thing I needed to do was finding out who he was. Such things are not easy to admit, right Tomi?“ I apologize to him and I try to kiss him to make peace.
He snatches his head away and looks hard into my eyes. „You said that we were going to be together in this and that together we would always be strong. Have you already forgotten? Doesn’t that count anymore?“ he says and I suddenly don´t know what to answer. I have to explain it to him somehow and so I start to speak slowly about what just comes in my mind to make it ok again somehow.
„Honey, forgive me, I´m really sorry, but I really didn’t know what to do, it was all so shocking.“ I sigh and I search for the words which would express my sadness. „I just suddenly thought about myself, that I´m a bastard, who´s deceiving you and it was a shock for me. I know that I´m not like that. I have never been unfaithful. I was so sure about myself and then I get one stupid message and it ruins my whole new life. Can you understand how I felt?“ I take a look in his eyes.
„I still love you like no one on this world and then I find this? I had to deal with this myself first. I really didn’t mean to hurt you.“ I feel tears welling up in my eyes. If he pushes me away now, I don´t know what I will do. The first tear falls down my face, sliding to the corner of my mouth. I lick it off, but the second one follows right after and I can´t hold it any longer. I am sobbing and Tom’s watching me.
„I am sorry Bill, I didn’t mean to make you cry,“ he says and watches me, stunned. „Come over here, my little nutcase.“ He hugs me and kisses my cheek. He kisses my tears away and I start to cry even more. I let it all go and suddenly, everything´s being washed out with those tears. I turn to Tom and bury my head into his arms.
He presses me to his chest and strokes my hair. He holds me like a baby and whispers soothing words into my ear.
My tears stop falling down and I know that everything is going to be ok. I stay in Tom´s arms for a while, but then I have to stand up and find out some details about Frank.
He wrote I should come soon, but I don´t even know what time I regularly go nor where he lives, how old he is and mainly, what he knows about me and what I should talk to him about. I consider postponing the whole visit, but then again, in my initial euphoria I felt after I learned I hadn’t been unfaithful to Tom, I have already sent a message that I´m looking forward to seeing him. I can´t disappoint him now.
Tom explains everything to me excitedly and we agree on going to lunch together. After lunch I will visit the hairdresser’s and in the end we will go to Frank’s together. Tom said that he went with me sometimes and he could do the same today too.
I’ve been here less than 24 hours and I have seen more strange things than I had seen in my whole past life. I chose a difficult path, but it is all worth it. Living with Tom reminds me of that and every gesture and smile he shares with me, every moment I can spend with him makes me appreciate all I have with him now.
I dial the telephone number of a hair salon, which according to Tom I should have saved in my cell phone under the abbreviation ‚BR‘ and a receptionist answers. I book an appointment at two o´clock and I go to get ready.
After a while, Tom and I leave for lunch, this time in his shiny red and black sport car. I can see how proud he is and how he likes to show it off to me. When he is showing me how easily the front seat can be folded back and a comfortable space is created, a little jealous motion lights my insides. I knew the other Tom and it´s pretty clear to me what he would use it for. But yeah, I have to pull myself together. Everything is so new that I have to process it as I go.
On the way to the restaurant I ask Tom if he could tell me everything he knows about the salon but I don´t get much out of him. He presumably never goes there with me because he doesn’t like it there. He tells me that I always sit and talk for hours. He makes me to promise that today I´m not going to be that long. Today I´m not going to talk for hours, that’s for sure, how could I talk for hours if I have nothing to talk about? My task for today is to try to understand how to do my own hair.
At a quarter to two we arrive at the salon. It´s called ‚Black Rose‘ so I finally understand the abbreviation in my cell phone. There´s no free parking place on the street so Tom just stops to let me out and when I get out of the car, he drives off to park somewhere else. We agree that I will ring him when I am ready and he will pick me up in front of the building. There´s nothing better than having good service.
I´m sitting in the chair in front of a mirror and I´m watching a young woman whose name I heard when the receptionist told her that I arrived. Her name is Silke and most likely she´s my personal hairdresser. Who else should know how to do my hair? She uses my first name to talk to me, so it looks like we have known each other for a long time.
„Well, how should I do your hair today, Bill? Last time you mentioned that you didn’t like it anymore, so what’s next?“ She smiles at me in the mirror and waits for my answer.
„Ehm… I would like to return to longer hair, to the style I used to have 7 years ago,“ I risk that she still remembers me from that time or at least that she has seen me on posters from that time.
„You mean the big hair you used to have?“ She looks at me stunned in the mirror.
„Yeah, at least lengthwise I would like to have it like that, but I still don’t know what I will do with it. Maybe I will stick with straight, smooth hair, let’s see,“ I explain an idea for my new style I only got few seconds ago.
„But that would mean to cut it and dye it and that would take at least two to three hours,“ answers Silke and I can imagine an angry Tom in the car.
„It doesn’t matter. The main thing is I will look like a human being again.“ I breathe out a sigh of relief and I let beautiful Silke take care of me. I call Tom not to wait for me, that I will ring him at about five o´clock when I´m done. Fortunately he´s not angry, he´s my darling.
While Silke works on my new haircut, I have time to ponder on things. She´s not so long-winded, and when she notices that I don´t answer much, she lets me be and just does her job. She talks to her colleague, who is doing the hair of some lady next to us and it relaxes me pleasantly. I´m falling asleep slowly…
…I´m standing in her flat, pieces of clothes, leftovers of food, empty bottles, cigarette packs, that all is lying scattered all over the floor. Yellowed curtains are covering the windows. I go to the next room, where it looks similar. A half-naked person is lying on the bed, a hand wrapped around an empty bottle is hanging down, a face is covered with long brown hair. Karin. She´s drunk again. I´m fed up with it. Why does she always call me when she is in trouble. She should call the one she got into this mess with. I don’t want to pay for one mistake the rest of my life.
I take a bottle from her hand and place it on the floor next to the bed.
„Karin.“ I pull away hair from her face and I try to open her eyes. Her pupils are like pinpricks. She mixed alcohol with something else again. I slap her cheeks, no response.
„Karin,“ I shout right next to her ear. „Wake up, you wanted something from me.“
She moves and slowly opens her drunken eyes.
„I ran out of money…“ she sighs in my face. Her alcohol breath makes me feel sick.
„As always,“ I answer her angrily. I pull a wallet out of my pocket and put one thousand Euros on her belly. „When will you leave me alone?“
I jerk awake when a hairdryer is switched on next to my head. Silke is just finishing.
What was that? A dream or a memory? I am not sure. Whatever it was, it was really strange. I felt so many various emotions, but I don´t know whether pity or disgust predominated.
„Well, boss? How do you like it?“ Silke asks me and I finally take a proper look at the finished haircut.
„Wonderful. Thanks, Silke, you are the best,“ I compliment her and kiss her hand politely. She starts giggling like crazy and teasingly slaps my shoulder.
„You are like a changed man,“ she says. .
„What do I owe you, miss?“ I still play the gentleman and Silke just smiles.
„Doing your hair is our advertising, your Majesty. It was an honour and real pleasure to serve you, come back again please, we would be delighted to see you.“ Silke jokes when I get up from the chair.
„Well, thank you, miss,“ I join in her jokes and I kiss her hand ceremonially again.
„Good bye, sir, we were pleased to have you.“ She bows and starts to laugh like a little girl.
When she calms down a bit, she gives me a kiss on the cheek and sees me to the main door. „So, bye, Bill, and call again when you need me. In September you can count on me.“ She pushes me out onto the sidewalk.
In September? What´s happening in September? The only thing I know of is that we are planning a tour. Maybe she travels with us and works as my stylist.
I take a look at my cell phone. It´s half past four, Tom´s still probably waiting at home for my call. I ring him and I walk across the street to sit in a little café. I choose a table for two right by the window to be able to see the street and I order a coke.
Tom arrives just after a while and my coke is not even finished yet.
„Pay attention to the road, or we will crash,“ I have to warn him when he glances over at me for the fifth time already.
„It´s not my fault that you look so great, you look the same way as you did when you got me,“ he smiles at me and keeps staring. He puts his right hand on my leg.
„I´m telling you again, pay attention to the road.“ I smirk at him and I put his hand back on the wheel „When you got me?“ I give him a stunned look.
„Of course. Who told me that he loved me? You came with that, so you got me,“ he says convincingly.
„You have to tell me about it all, I don´t want to wait until I remember by myself, it all takes too long.“ I remember the dream I had at the hairdresser’s. „I only have some strange flashes, which mostly don´t make any sense to me.“
He´s staring at me again.
„Damn Tom, watch the road or you´re going to kill us! I would like to be able to enjoy my day, if you don’t mind.“ I scold him half jokingly but at the same time I am really scared when I notice a big truck behind us.
„I would say that you´re going to enjoy today very much,“ that cheeky driver shoots back. „I have one filthy mind when it comes to you,“ he says and his hand lands on my leg again.
This way we argue and fight the whole way to Frank’s.
