It’s obvious to me that Mark is really shocked by what I had told him. He´s not able to utter a single word, he seems to be waiting for the answers I am expected to give him.
During the meal I have some time to think about what to tell him. I do a quick revision of all the events in my head and decide to go with a slight alteration of some details, but all in all I will tell him the truth.
When the door is finally pulled closed behind the waiter, I take a deep breath and start to speak.
„I saw Davey for the first time yesterday, by total chance. Sabine took me with her for a surprise visit to a children’s center, Ladybird where I got to know him, without even realizing who he really was. Sabine was a friend of Karin’s, which I was never to find out about and she herself learned about Davey’s existence by pure chance first around the time when the social workers took him from her a year ago. After Karin’s death, Sab was going to tell me everything, but first of all she wanted me to meet Davey personally. I had no idea at all about her intentions, she told me everything first when we had returned from the orphanage. I had to fake my surprised reaction, pretending that I didn’t know that I had a son. It came as such a shock that she found out about Davey, but in the end I´m really happy that she did.
I got to meet Davey thanks to her and this morning I went to visit him again. He´s amazing, cute, clever and above all… he´s mine, and I want to take care of him. He seems to like me too and he wants me to become his dad. He himself told me so without even knowing that I in fact am his dad. Hopefully Tom is going to manage to wrap his head around it somehow, and if not right now, we are surely going to figure it out somehow together. I´m very positive,“ I finish my speech with a certainty I don’t feel myself at all. It´s more of an attitude I want to show to Mark, to persuade him.
„I don’t know who you are anymore Bill. What the hell happened to you? All of this change of heart just because of the kid? You´re unbelievable… where´s that vengeful, obstinate Bill, who so much wanted to hurt Karin and didn’t care about the child at all? What have you done to him?“ he speaks to me as if I was a little school boy.
„I hope that you´ll also stand firmly behind your decision even when Tom leaves you and all the newspapers haunt you down, writing all filth imaginable about your relationship with Karin and your illegitimate child. Don´t you try to lie to yourself that it is going to blow over as easily as the Russian paparazzi incident. This is going to be out of our league all together. They will bully you, follow every step you take. Do you even realize that after all these new findings come to light the police will most likely re-open Karin’s case and possibly accuse you of killing her? That would be a truly sticky mess to get out of; you surely didn’t tell them that you had a child with her, did you? Or did you tell them?“ He expects me to answer.
„No, I didn’t,“ I reply, but what I can’t tell him is that I would have told them about Davey had I known about his existence in the first place.
„It is going to be a tough game, so think about it wisely before you make a stupid decision. You have one day. You should discuss this with Tom, because on Monday, at the latest on Tuesday morning, the newspapers will be full of it. Oh god, I have been trying my best for almost a year to arrange everything, to keep it a secret, and you flip the coin just like that? Right now I’d like to tell you to go to hell, Bill. Why do you always have to have your way? Why aren’t you able to behave like a normal person? Oh, I know, because you aren’t normal, right?“
„I wouldn’t be surprised if various individuals and the tabloids tried to milk this for all it’s worth, so prepare for a war. I’ll see you on Monday morning at the courthouse and I’ll want to know your final decision. I have to go now, I still have an another meeting to attend to. But I can tell you, you pulled the rug from under my feet. You really surprised me.“ Mark officially finishes our lunch meeting and leaves the table. „I’ll go settle the bill. Wait for me by the elevators, I can give you a lift home.“
I am quiet. There is nothing more to talk about.
On the way home, we are both silent. Tension in the car is so palpable you could almost touch it, there is some music playing and neither of us tries to interrupt it for the whole long ten minutes that the journey back to my house takes.
„Well… see you on Monday and be on time, don´t forget,“ Mark utters his last orders before I get out of the car. I just nod and shut the door closed. I really need to be alone for a while right now. I feel almost depressed after this meeting. Mark was not kidding when he insinuated what would have most likely happened had it all been let out in the open. I´m determined though to take all the precaution possible to avoid the worst case scenario. On the way home I figured out a way that would hurt me, Tom and Davey as little as possible. On Monday, after the court proceedings, I will organize a press conference and try to do as much damage control as I can.
My steps take me automatically to the bedroom. I lie down on our big bed and I close my eyes. God, why, oh why? Why does everything have to be so hard? First I have to live through a life full of pain and unfulfilled love, and when I finally get a chance to find and fulfill that love, it gets so complicated. I love Tom, I don´t want to give him up, but I have a nagging feeling that it won´t end well. He would have to be a saint to forgive me for something like this. I make a decision to wait and not to tell him anything today just yet. He is not going be completely recovered from his hangover and he could have reacted differently than what he would have normally. Today is not a good time. I’d better leave it for tomorrow, I will have the whole day to tell him then. But for now, now I would like to go check on my sleeping darling.
I quietly open the door to his flat on the first floor and head straight towards the dark bedroom. I find his bed empty, so I pull back the heavy drapes and open the windows. It is good to let some fresh air in and the lingering stench of alcohol out. I can hear distant sound of water splashing in the shower.
I near the bathroom, opening the door carefully. The small room is filled with steam and heat and Tom is singing some melody in there. I want to wash away all the black thoughts that have been haunting me for days and now I have a perfect opportunity to do so.
I strip quickly and knock on the glass door of the shower cubicle.
Tom jerks, but when he sees my naked silhouette behind the glass, he opens the door, takes my hand and pulls me inside the shower.
„Hi you drunk head,“ I whisper into his ear and press myself against his wet body as he embraces me. „Are you feeling any better?“
He nods his head and glues his lips to my own, half-opened ones before I manage to say any more.
I kiss him back eagerly and I enjoy the touches of his slippery and willing body. Tomi, my only love, if only you knew what´s about to come, perhaps you wouldn’t be kissing me right now, stroking me so heavenly. I love you so much you can´t even imagine. It may be our last time together, the last time your hands are touching me like this, you kissing me straight on the lips… I don´t want to think about it right now though. I want to enjoy it while it lasts; every shuddering intake of his breath; sweet and urgent tremor my hands and their touches elicit from his body.
I´m finally getting to know his body and I´m so good at it. We touch each other, stroking, massaging and caressing, smearing the body wash all over the most sensitive places with our eager hands, creating a rich foam that smells so nice.
When Tom’s slippery hands slide all the way down and reach my groin, his fingers wrapped firmly around my cock giving it a proper squeeze, I feel like I’m in heaven, letting series of breathy, loud moans slip past my lips. He understands immediately what I need right now and he showers all fragrant suds off of me, pushes me against tiled wall pleasantly warmed up by steamy heat of the shower and slowly covers my body with kisses; from my neck all the way down, over my nipples, belly button, to my sides, hips and groin. He gives special attention to each of these places, making my desire for him more and more urgent.
I moan quietly when his hands study me to the smallest detail, his fingers travelling the swells and ridges of my body, his tongue sweeping across my heated skin. It all feels so incredibly nice. My fingers tangled in his long hair, stroking and pulling impatiently as I wait for the moment his perfect mouth finds the place where I need him most.
Despite the noise of the shower, he must hear my moaning getting louder and louder, and the moment his tongue finally swipes over the tip of my erection I am screaming. I am squeezing his shoulders, digging my nails into his flesh. He hisses in sudden pain and I force myself to release the pressure.
„Sorry, honey…“ I whisper and lower my head, kissing his hair, my eyes drinking hungrily his beautiful face.
He´s kneeling in front of me on the white floor, his eyes half-closed, my cock deep in his mouth and his hands travelling over stretches of my groin and curves of my behind. I can´t take my eyes off of his bobbing head… just that sight causes my erection to grow even bigger. I have never watched my brother’s skillful tongue working me like that, in all details, bringing me slowly but surely closer and closer to the very edge.
He notices my intent stare and our eyes meet. He takes my cock into his hand and starts to lick at it, giving his best performance, putting everything on display for me to see… and it effects me exactly the way Tom has been aiming for.
After a while I´m not able to restrain my bodily reactions any longer and as my climax approaches, I scream his name out loud. My whole body tenses under the impact of this uncontrollable swirling taifun inside of me, every single cell in my body ready to explode and when it happens, it comes in forceful waves, until it spills over an imaginary shore and rushes into his eager mouth.
I try to catch my breath long after I shakily slid down the slippery tiled wall to the floor, to Tom who awaits me with shower of tender kisses all over my face. He holds me in his arms, his hands caressing my back, his lips whispering words of love, something I have been longing for for such a long time. That is true beauty of us. This can never end, not us, not ever…
„Tomi, promise me that you will never leave me,“ I am whispering into his wet hair, holding him desperately with all the strenhgt I still have…
„Don´t worry, that will never happen. Never, I promise,“ he assures me, still holding me with immense tenderness and love, like a mother holding her child. He reaches for a towel and starts to dry my wet and totally lax body; I am in such blissed out state that I am not able for any initiative of my own.
Later on we find ourselves lying in the bedroom, in our enormous queen-size bed. The blinds are closed, and we´re watching a video from our first mutual holiday in New Zealand. It was right before Christmas, almost three months after the moment when we confessed our love to each other. We took a trip as far away from Germany as possible, a world away from all nosy journalists and paparazzis. We kept everything top secret, nobody was supposed to know but the two of us. Plane tickets were booked under another names until the last minute to diminish the chance of anybody getting a sniff of this. We managed to conceal the destination of our journey from everyone and we enjoyed absolute privacy. We stayed in a remote part of the country, where no tourists come, and we rented a beautiful, spacious and modern house with a big pool and a massive high wall surrounding it.
Tom recorded most of the time spent on our holiday and his camera focuses more often on me than the beautiful surrounding and exotic nature. I can see myself captured in all possible and impossible positions, situations and times of the day. I am almost unrecognizable in that video. Tom begged me to give up all my usual make up while on this holiday, so I look totally natural, as in the evenings when I go to sleep. To be honest, I don´t like myself looking like this, but Tom seems overly excited. He is glued to me all the time, his camera following every step I take. My brother intended to get as much footage of our time spent there as possible so he could savor it in abundance later on when back home .
„Bill, Bill, look at me!“ he shouts at me all the time and I repeatedly keep on striking a pose to keep him happy. We both are glowing, love radiating from us like scorching heat from a fireplace.
In the scenes Tom is in, he is trying to prove himself to be a true man, displaying his manly skills. I can see him diving head-first into the swimming pool from a three metre high diving board. Later he is exercising with dumbbells and puts on a look as if he were a world champion. It´s so cute to see him trying so hard to appear to be a tough guy when only I know his true gentle, angelic nature.
In the next scene there´s a nice view of Tom asleep on the deck-chair by the pool, his head comfortably tilted back, his mouth half opened and that incredible sound of him snoring… I can hear myself giggle in the background as I was recording this precious moment. I slowly move closer to him and snap my fingers right next to his ear.
The snoring suddenly stops and Tom opens his eyes with a twitch. He almost falls down from the deck-chair. He didn’t expect the camera pointing right at him. He moves fast though, jumping up suddenly from his lying position and all I can see next is recorded blur and shaky images of smudged surroundings as I am running, still holding the camera in one hand, trying to escape, Tom chasing after me. How it all ended I don’t know, because this was the last bit of the recording. Knowing my brother though, I can only guess I must have been sweetly punished shortly after that.
„What did you do to me after you had caught me?“ I ask my brother. Tom just snorts sneeringly, toppling me backward onto the blankets and starts tickling me.
„This is what I did to you. And you screamed like crazy!“ He tortures me like this for a while with passion and I´m gasping for breath, dying of laughter under him.
„Nooo, it´s enough, I can´t take anymore,“ I get a strained sob out of me, trying to push him away to the other side of the bed.
He lets go of me. „Am I safe now?“ I ask to assure myself before I slowly move closer to him again.
He nods his YES with a serious face but when I see corners of his mouth twitching, I decide to believe him anyways. I get nestled against his warm form, lean my head against his shoulder and wrap my arms tightly around his waist. I love him and I can´t lose him. I have to do everything in my power to keep him. I have to… And we are going to be fine. When I get something in my head I always get what I want. Always!!!
Calm before the storm… 🙁