You can easily say that her yesterday’s arrival literally saved my life. I waited for her like for my saviour and I fell into her arms crying, right after she had walked through the doors. Back home, she had waited first for Tom to arrive as she wanted to explain everything to him, but he brushed her off just like he did to me and he locked himself in his room with his guitar. He’ll need time.
Later that day, we didn’t speak about my brother and me anymore and we steered our conversation into talking about a totally different topic: Davey. I was really sorry that I didn’t have any photo of him, but I described him in such a detail for her, that she must have seen him in front of her eyes pretty easily. I also tried to draw a picture of him, but that was not such a big success.
Gustav called earlier this morning and congratulated me on becoming a father. He didn’t even find it too strange. I also realized that I had no idea at all if the guys knew about me and Tom being together and now I have no one to ask. For the time being though I have to shift my focus elsewhere and concentrate solemnly on the first hearing. Everything needs be perfect, including my tie, which is now strangling me. For my son’s sake though I am ready to take even that in stride.
„Nice to meet you again, Mrs. Kaulitz. It´s been a long time,“ Mark twitters with a professional smile when we meet in front of the courthouse building.
„Bill, would you come with me for a while, please, we need to talk alone. Excuse us, please.“ He looks in the direction of my mother, grabs me by my elbow, pulling me aside.
When we are out of reach for her to hear us, he snaps at me angrily. „What´s your mother doing here? You haven’t changed your mind? Have you seen the TV news report yesterday? This is just the beginning Bill. We can’t stop it now when it already started rolling… All I need to know now is your final decision,“ he spouts at me and waits for my answer.
„Everything is still the same as what I told you yesterday. I want to take care of him and my family is ready to help me. Including Tom!“ I shoot at him to make it obvious that I am sincere and that he can’t do anything to change it. The lie about Tom was added just out of spite. His attitude angers me so much and besides, he doesn’t need to know that Tom left me, it´s none of his business after all. I pay him for his services which is to help me to get David, that´s all. I have no intentions to become his best buddy.
„Very well, that’s your life and your decision. The press conference is organized to happen this afternoon, as we agreed on earlier.“ He turns away from me and with a sweet smile goes back to my mom.
The first reporters start to flock in front of the entrance of the court house as we are their obvious target.
„Ok, let’s go inside.“ Mark decides when we see that they start to near us and there´s a chance that they might want to interview us.
We enter the old building of the court house and I start to feel a heavy suffocating feeling of anxiousness on me I have not experienced before. What if we won´t win this case, what if my celebrity status will ruin it all? I wouldn’t be able to look into David´s eyes. My hands start to shake and the tie feels somehow more and more tight around my neck. My mom takes a notice of my nerves and takes my hand in hers. Her hand doesn’t let go of mine during the whole time of the court proceedings.
„Stand up, please,“ the judge says, when she´s ready to announce the verdict.
All the chairs in the room creak against the floor when we stand up collectively. My knees are shaking, my throat is constricted and dry but I´m trying to catch every word she says. I´m clutching mom´s hand tightly as I wait to hear the decision that will change my life again.
„The municipal court of the city of Berlin decided in the case of the custody of David Fischer like this: The minor, David Fischer, born 25.6.2011 in Dresden is given into sole custody of his father,“ she says and I collapse with relief into my mom´s arms. I don’t even listen to the rest of the verdict. Tears of happiness are streaking our cheeks and while we stand in tight embrace we are wiping off the saltiness into each other’s long hair. Both parties have given up the right of a recall so there is nothing that would obstruct me from officially becoming David´s father.
Mark congratulates us shortly and says his goodbye. We agree that as soon as he get the official papers with findings of the hearing in our case in his hands he will call me. It should be tomorrow at the latest. Then, we will be finally allowed to go and get Davey.
„But now we have to celebrate! Let’s go and have a lunch… let’s have something unbelievably delicious and outrageously expensive!“ I suggest while I am pulling my mother excitedly out of the courthouse.
Reporters are already waiting in front of the building, but they´re surrounding Mark, who´s informing them about the time and place of the press conference I decided to organize. It will be so much better this way than giving interviews on the sidewalk.
We sneak out of the building carefully without being noticed, passing by them quickly and we get to the car. When I am driving past the pack of the reporters, I honk a horn to them couple of times, right behind their backs.
„You´re such a kid.“ Mom scolds me reproachfully, but I can’t get myself to care at all. I´m just happy.
I leave with the speed of a lightning and head to the center of Berlin. Where else would there be the most expensive restaurants? I find a fancy one and we splurge like the kings. The bill is ridiculously high, but I don´t care. I would give my mom anything she could ever ask for, because she was there for me at the toughest moment of my life.
Every time a thought of Tom crosses my mind, my heart breaks but I´m trying to replace his image in my head with a picture of that little boy who will be in my arms already by tomorrow.
After the lunch, we make it just in time to the place where the press conference is held. Mom decides to go and support me there as well as I am faced with intrusive questions. I´m calm and put together and I try to answer as briefly I can. I cut the questions about Davie´s mother´s identity short, replying to them dryly with „No comment“. It can be expected though that persistent journalists are going to dig out my dirt any time soon nevertheless. I am withholding Karin’s identity more or less to respect Davey and also out of fear of detective Kraus.
They also ask me where my brother and my girlfriend are. In both cases I answer that they´re away, being busy with their job commitments and I chose to not to go any deeper into that.
Proud grandmother by my side has a chance to answer a couple of questions too. She has never wanted to become a part of the media circus surrounding my life simply because she wanted to keep her privacy and peacefulness of her life, but now she’s sacrificed that for me. She chats happily with the reporters, telling them how much she is looking forward to meet her grandson, joy beaming from her to all directions.
When there are no more questions to be answered, I end the press conference. The news on all the TV channels are gonna be full of it already this evening and by tomorrow morning it is going to be in newspapers too. Hopefully, at least some of it would reach also my brother, even though he doesn’t want to listen to me personally.
I park my car in our garage. Tom´s car is still missing and there’s mom´s old Peugeot occupying Tom’s spot instead. Everywhere I look I see reminders of him. I miss him, but I can´t cry now. I have to cope somehow and hope that everything would get better soon.
When I enter my flat with mom, we meet Sabine in the foyer. Her room is open and she´s packing her things into a suitcase. I look at her surprised but I can see in her expression what she must think about me right now. She thinks that I lied to her and everyone I lie to leaves me eventually. It’s starting to be a given trend in my life. Mom leaves us alone as she goes to the kitchen to make herself some coffee instead and I´m truly grateful for her tact. I walk into Sabine´s room. She looks at me with expression of hurt in her eyes and the only thing I can do is to sit on her bed with feeling of utter resignation. „I am so sorry, Sab,“ I start sadly.
„You have nothing to be sorry about Bill, I understand. I was lying all those years to you too when I didn’t tell you about Karin. You wanted to keep it from the reporters and I would think that you trusted me more, but as I can see it’s quite obvious I was not worthy enough for you to tell me the truth. It’s for the best if we go separate ways. You won’t need to explain anything to the press as the reason for our break-up is more than clear and you will need this room soon for someone else anyhow. I don’t want to intervene with life anymore, I’ve been enough of a burden.“ She is crying now and I feel that I need to hold her. I stroke her cascade of black hair, kissing it softly while I search hard for suitable words.
„I am really fond of you, Sab… please stay, I didn’t want to lie to you but I had no choice. I saw Davey for the first time in my life when you took me to the orphanage, that wasn’t a lie. Tom left… he didn’t want to hear any explanations so he run away leaving me alone with this… and now you… you´re also leaving. I feel like I’m cursed,“ I mumble into her hair.
She raises her tear-filled eyes, finally looking at me properly and then she kisses me tenderly on my forehead. „I don’t want to drag on Bill, I´m done here. I’ve already decided. I am going to miss you both, but I have to start to live my own life. If you want, we can still meet from time to time, but I´m done with playing your make-believe girlfriend. I would have to start playing a step-mother to Davey too and that I can’t do… won’t do. Your mom will help you with him, that’s not my territory. I wanted to leave anyway, but I had no idea that you would get Davie so soon. That´s why I´m leaving now. I will send you some photos of Karin and Davey, so that he has some pictures of her,“ she finishes and quits holding me.
She packs the rest of her things into the suitcase, puts a photo of us together on the top and closes it.
„I will carry it for you,“ I offer her my help and take the suitcase out of her hands. We kiss at the gate, as always but this time it’s no longer for the sake of the neighbours. It´s our last good-bye kiss.
„Thank you for everything you’ve done for us,“ I tell her when she´s sitting in her car, ready to leave. She smiles at me, starts the engine and drives away from my life for good.
