An Orphan Tom 2/3

D day finally arrived. It was the day the Christmas concert was to happen.

Tom was awake since early morning. It was still dark outside his window, but he was so keyed up that he simply couldn’t stay in his bed any longer. The boy felt itchy all over his body. And on top of it all, it seemed as if time was playing with him, as every single minute was as long as a single hour. The annoyingly slow ticking clock on the wall showed it was only 4:30am. Tom needed to go back to sleep, but he just couldn’t keep his eyes closed. This day will be the longest one ever.

„For fuck’s sake, stop tossing around and sleep, Tom! It’s not even five in the morning!“

„I’m sorry,“ Tom mumbled from under his blanket and sighed. „But I’m just so excited!“

„I don’t care whether you are or not! I’m trying to sleep here, so you have two choices – sleep too, or get the hell out of here!“

Tom sighed and closed his eyes. He understood Jacob. It was really early in the morning and every sane person was still fast asleep, but the dread-headed boy simply couldn’t. In a few more hours, he would finally get to see the person he’s been dying to see for so long… Bill Kaulitz… up close and personal!

Giving up, Tom sat up on his bed and shivered at the cold air of the room. Winter nights at the orphanage were really cold; sometimes you could even see fog coming out of your lips instead of your invisible breath. With goose-bumps all over his body, Tom jogged over to his closet and pulled out a pair of old, loose light blue jeans and a t-shirt. For now he didn’t bother giving second thoughts to his clothes; he would have enough time to change them later.

As quietly as he could manage, he exited their shared room. The halls were still empty, and his every step resonated loudly in the cold space around him. No-one was supposed to be awake for at least a few more hours, and Tom had no idea what he should do in the mean time. If only one of the governesses were awake he could have a small talk with her, but for now he was left alone. Being alone was something Tom hated the most. Although he was naturally a loner, he still hated being totally alone, and on his own.

With a sigh, the boy sat in the big main room where the computer and TV were. Since he was the only one awake now, he might as well use the PC. There were a lot of things Tom wanted to look up online; a few web pages, many pictures and news – anything and everything about Bill Kaulitz.

Tom was obsessed with the singer. Since he saw the picture of him the first time, he couldn’t get Bill out of his mind. His deep brown, almost black eyes lined with black kohl were the most beautiful and captivating eyes Tom had ever seen. His pink, always lip-glossed lips were the fullest, and the most soft the teen could imagine. It was his pale white skin, his high, sharp cheekbones, his black hair shaved on the sides and longer in the middle, his thin and slender body, his hands with that perfect black manicure and his long legs that so captivated Tom to a point that he almost couldn’t breath sometimes.

Tom was gay. He knew he definitely was, even though no boy had ever kissed him. Tom didn’t like girls. He didn’t like their boobs or their full, curved hips. He wasn’t aroused whenever one of them went by him wearing only a short skirt or skintight jeans. It did nothing for Tom. However, when a nice looking guy with slim hips and nicely formed bum went by, Tom always turned around and stared, feeling funny feelings in his belly. And if he wasn’t sure about his sexual orientation before, he knew it for sure the second he laid eyes on the picture of the black haired German singer.
Tom fell in love with him immediately, and even if he convinced himself that it was only a pathetic, impossible love, it was everything he had and everything he wished for to become the truth.

„Tom? Is that you?“

Quickly, Tom logged off of the site which was full of Bill’s pictures, and closed the screen. He turned around only to see his governess, Melissa, who had just entered the room. „Hi,“ he gave her a weak smile, feeling guilty for using the computer without permission. He was one of those who did everything only under rules.

„Good morning, kiddo. What are you doing up so early?“

Tom suppressed the urge to laugh when the woman yawned loudly.

„I couldn’t sleep anymore,“ he replied.

„Oh? How come?“ She asked. She sat across from him and gave him a small smile. Melissa was one of the governesses who tried to be a friend to every single kid at the orphanage. She has known Tom for almost ten years now, and he was her favorite of the older kids still in residence there.

„The concert,“ Tom replied honestly and felt his cheeks turn bright red.

„Oh,“ the woman gave him a knowing smile. „So, you’ll see Bill Kaulitz tonight, huh?“

„Stop teasing me!“

„Am not!“ she laughed and smiled. „I wished this for you, you know, Tom? You deserve it.“

„How come?“

The woman smiled at him and lightly kicked his foot. „You wanted to see him for, how long, four years now?“ Tom nodded and blushed a bit more. He was only thirteen when someone showed him a picture of the then newcomer Bill Kaulitz. Since that time, Tom has wanted nothing more than see this boy in person.

„I… isn’t that weird?“

„What do you mean?“

„That… that I’m platonically in love with a famous singer?“ Tom asked. He was glad that the room wasn’t lit up with the main luminary, so the older woman couldn’t see him blushing at that moment.

„No, it’s not. It’d be weird if you would be in love with him for real, but the platonic love is okay. Every one of us has their own platonic love, even me!“

„Really? Who’s yours?“ Now, Tom was smiling brightly, glad that the woman understood him; she always did.

„It’s a secret!“ Melissa poked her tongue out at him and they both laughed. They talked a bit more until it was time for breakfast and all duties they all had that day. Even if Tom did not forget about the evening, his day ran much faster with all the work he was supposed to do.

———-

Before the dread-head realized it, the evening had arrived.

„Calm down, jeez!“ Jacob’s nerves were finally pushed way too far and the boy snapped at the dread-head boy who was babbling on and on about the concert that was set to go off in a few more minutes.

„I… can’t,“ Tom squeezed out and swallowed guiltily; he really didn’t want Jacob to be mad with him.

„Tom,“ Jacob laughed when he saw the desperate and completely pale face of his roommate. „It’s gonna be alright. It’s not as if you are going to be able to talk to him or something.“

‚But I wish I could!‘ Tom thought. He didn’t say anything out loud as he knew his so-called friend would only make fun of him. He knew he wouldn’t get a chance to talk to Bill, he knew it all too well, but the reality still didn’t calm his nerves. In fact, the idea of talking to Bill did quite the opposite.

„Just… let’s go, shall we?“ Tom asked instead of answering and stood up from the chair he had been sitting in. Tom really wished they were already in the main room where the small stage was placed, right beside their Christmas tree. If he could help it, he’ll be in the first line.

After Jacob nodded his agreement, with a near jog, the two made their way down the hall and to the main room with a few others who wanted to be there among the first. Tom’s hands trembled from nervousness and were covered in sticky sweat. Just a few more minutes and he’ll see him…Bill.

Without realizing it, Jacob led Tom to the front row where Alex was already seated, waiting for them. The three of them were the closest you can call friends and both, Alex and Jacob, knew how important this was for Tom. They didn’t fully understand it, but the least they could do was be helpful for one of them.

„Hello, Tomi-boy. Are you nervous, huh?“

Tom didn’t respond. He tried to give her a smile, but it came out more as a grin. The dread-head shook his head and was taking deep, heavy breaths in an attempt to calm himself down a bit. What would Bill think if he saw Tom like this? Well, nothing good for sure.

„It’s okay, Tom. I’ve seen him already and he’s nothing special.“

„What?!“

„What, what?“ Alex narrowed her eyes, then blinked and smiled. „Oh, you mean… I’ve seen him when they arrived. I wanted to come for you,“ she added quickly when she saw the terror in Tom’s eyes, „but Miss Anna sent me and few other kids to help them with their things. I’m sorry, Tom, but hey, he’s just a normal person.“

„He’s not,“ Tom breathed out and sunk lower in his chair. Alex did not know anything about him. To Alex, Bill was nobody important. The dread-head couldn’t believe his lack of luck. He would have given anything to have had the chance to help with their things, only to see Bill, but no, the fates decided that Alex was the more preferable person for that than he was. It sucked.

The dreadlocked teen wasn’t listening to the conversation his mates were having. His eyes were focused on the window behind them which showed that it was snowing heavily outside. This years‘ Christmas was definitely going to be white; the snow hadn’t stopped for one single day since the end of November. But Tom wasn’t complaining. He loved snow almost as much as he loved the hot sun in the summer. Being able to play in the gardens, build a snowman or make snow-angels was something that reminded him of his childhood. It reminded him of the days when he was still happy with his own family, before he had lost them in that terrible car accident ten years ago.
The white snowflakes slowly falling down from the dark sky calmed his nerves more effectively than anything else could.

„It’s time! Look!“ Alex nudged Tom’s ribs with her elbow and pointed to the stage where their main governess stood with a microphone in one hand. „She’s going to give a speech like she does every year,“ the girl rolled her eyes and put her head down on Tom’s tensed shoulder.

He wasn’t paying attention to anything and anyone except the back doors almost hidden behind the small stage. This is from where Bill would come out in any second.

His heart beat furiously and Tom almost couldn’t breathe.

‚He’s here,‘ Tom thought when the doors cracked open. He didn’t know it, but he had been holding Alex’s hand and squeezing it really hard, but the girl knew better than say anything. Her eyes weren’t glued to the place everyone’s eyes were, she was watching Tom’s face instead. His deep brown eyes were shining with expectation and happiness, and they were slightly bigger then usual. His lips were slightly parted and trembled slightly whenever Tom breathed in. The second the doors were fully opened and the only one person the teen boy wanted to see the most stepped inside the room, Tom’s whole face lit up like a Christmas tree and the boy took in a sharp breath.

Alex smiled and squeezed his hand back before she finally focused her attention on their guest. Bill was incredibly hot and sexy tonight, she had to admit.

Tom was in some kind of trance. His eyes followed every move the black haired singer made. Every expression the singer made didn’t go unnoticed by the dreadlocked teenager. His two friends weren’t sure if Tom was even breathing. It seemed as if he was holding his breath, afraid that if he took in new air, his idol would disappear. And his eyes were similarly focused on the singer’s body without blinking as he watched him move across the stage.

But Tom was happy, closed up in his bubble of protection where no-one could reach him, touch him, and disturb him. It was just he and the singer. He couldn’t believe it. Bill was really there, moving in front of his eyes, singing, smiling and occasionally moving his eyes over Tom’s person. The teenage boy couldn’t be happier at that moment.

„… And that’s all, my little friends!“ announced the singer a few more songs later. „I really had fun tonight with you. Thank you for that, and I hope you had at least a bit of fun too!“ All the girls in the room and Tom cheered at him.

„Merry Christmas, kids!“ Bill yelled. Smiling and waving, the singer left the stage and the room was immediately filled up with murmurs and joyful whispers.

Only Tom was quiet. His eyes looked sadly at the empty stage in front of him. He was happy, he really was, but if only the concert could have lasted a bit longer. One more song, just one, was all he wanted. He didn’t want anything more. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to keep hold on as much of his happiness as he could.

„Tom? Hey, Tom.“

Someone shook him. Tom slowly opened his eyes and tried to smile at his two friends. „Yeah?“

„You okay?“ Alex asked. His face was full of concern, and it warmed Tom’s heart a bit to know that someone really cared about him.

„Yeah,“ he nodded and was about to stand up and leave so he could go hide in his bed, under his blanket, when he heard loud yelling behind the back doors. That voice belonged to Bill, he was sure of that. „Hey, what’s that?“

„What… oh, the yelling? Don’t know,“ Jacob shrugged and stood up. „I’m going to go steal some sweets. Do you two want to go too??“ Alex nodded enthusiastically at first, but when Tom shook his head ‚no,‘ Alex changed her mind and decided to stay with Tom. Jacob just shrugged again and left the couple alone.

„You want to find out, huh?“ Alex asked and curled her lips up into a smirk. „C’mon then, let’s go find out what’s going on back in there,“ she added with a devilish smile.

The two stood up and slowly headed toward the back doors, Tom silently thanked Alex for her character. It might bring her problems all the time, but right now it was good that she wasn’t afraid of anything. Her bravado allowed her to easily sneak in to the room, and she pulled Tom along behind her as she went. They stopped right behind the doors and listened to everything that was going on in the room.

„You have to be fucking kidding me!“

„I’m sorry but I can’t do anything about it, Bill! I simply can’t remove that stupid tree!“

The singer’s voice huffed and steps were heard. „I don’t care, I wanna go home, Jared! I don’t care what you have to do for it, but do it!!“

„Bill,“ the other’s voice was both amused and irritated now, „I can’t stop the snow, you know? I’m not Mother Nature, sorry! And I’m not Hercules either!“

„Just… just do something! Anything! I don’t want to be stuck in here with…those brats! Oh my God! I can’t imagine staying here for the night, Jared! It’s all creepy in here!“

Tom’s heart stopped and he couldn’t listen to any more. Did Bill, his Bill, really just call them brats and the orphanage creepy?

Without a second thought, the dreadlocked teen spun on his heel and sped out of the room with his heart aching. Kids in here weren’t responsible for being in the orphanage. They were without parents, without families, without a home. How could he say something like that? How? His perfect Bill…wasn’t so perfect anymore.

Tom didn’t stop running until he was hidden in the safety of his room, under the blankets. He wasn’t crying, although he wasn’t far from it, but his eyes were burning and his heart was aching. All he wanted right now was to curl up in his bed and oversleep this evening. He just wanted to forget about everything.

And that is exactly what he did.

———-

It was somewhere around 3 am in the morning when Tom woke up. His body ached from the very uncomfortable position he fell asleep in. The clothes he wore the night before, stuck to his body in a most uncomfortable way.

Sighing, Tom rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds. The night before was the benefit concert. The night before, he saw Bill Kaulitz, his idol, for the first time. The night before, though, the singer broke the teen’s heart. His words repeated in Tom’s mind in an annoying loop;

„Just… just do anything! I don’t want to be stuck in here with…those brats! … It’s all creepy in here!“

Tom closed his eyes tightly; he, too, was one of „those brats“ the singer didn’t want to be stuck with. And it hurt his feelings. All the dreadlocked teen boy did was survive the car accident his parents died in, and endlessly admire the singer for his talent, for his thin and perfect body, for his short black hair or for those almond eyes. He did not do anything wrong, and neither did the kids in the orphanage. Still, that arrogant, spoiled singer didn’t want to be here with them. As if they were dirt, or something else slimy, dirty and awful.

Tom felt the anger building in him. Sure, he does kind of love Bill, but the singer had no right to insult him like this. The singer is a lucky man that he’s nowhere close to Tom right now ‚coz the dread-head wants nothing more than to punch him and tell him every bad word he can come out with. Maybe Tom is overreacting, but it hurts his feelings every time someone calls him ‚a brat.‘
It really is not his fault that his parents died in a car accident and he is the only person who survived it -which really is a miracle. And it’s also not his fault that his grandmother had died of a heart attack only one month after the accident, and Tom was left with no other relatives. It simply is not his fault!

Sitting up, Tom pulled his black t-shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor; he can pick it up later. He grabbed his sleep shirt, stood up and while pulling the shirt over his head, he walked out of the room. He was thirsty and all he wanted right now was a glass of water and maybe something small to eat. The cook would already be fast asleep and no-one would scold him for stealing some sweets.

As quietly as possible, Tom snuck down the hall, careful not to make a sound or be seen by anyone. A few minutes after the boy left his room, Tom entered the small kitchen and smiled triumphantly as he went to the cupboard right away.

„What you’re doing here?“

From the pure shock, Tom dropped the glass he had in his hands. A loud sound of breaking glass was heard as he spun around, looking utterly horrified.

„I… I…“

„Calm down,“ laughed the other person as a small light brightened that part of the room. As soon as the light illuminated the face of the other boy, Tom’s breath caught in his throat and he felt his legs turn to jelly.

It was Bill Kaulitz, sitting alone in their kitchen.

„I…“

„Yeah, we’ve heard that already,“ the singer smirked and stood up. „You should clean this mess,“ he suggested as he grabbed his belongings.

The arrogant and snobbish smirk on his lips reminded Tom why he was angry at him in the first place, before he got so scared and shocked by the other boy.

„Shut up,“ hissed Tom, as he bent down and started cleaning up the broken mess on the floor. Not long after, he hissed in pain and pouted at his now bleeding finger. „See? This is your fault.“

„My fault?“ Bill asked, clearly shocked. „And what did I do?“

„You scared the living shit out of me, that’s what you did!“

The black haired singer couldn’t help but laugh. „I’m sorry, kiddo. It wasn’t my intention, although you were the one sneaking around.“

Tom’s almond eyes narrowed as he glared at the other boy.

„What?“

„I’m not a kid anymore, okay?“

„Sure,“ Bill smirked, and knelt down beside the dreadlocked teen to help him clean up the broken glass. „Said the boy wearing the Transformers t-shirt… sure!“

Tom’s cheeks flushed bright red and he bent his head down, avoiding the other boy’s eyes. He mumbled something under his breath and picked up the shards of glass, his finger sucked into his mouth the entire time.

„Let me see.“

„Huh?“ Tom threw the trash away and turned around, slowly licking the tip of his finger.

„Uhm…“ the singer swallowed and shook his head, „The finger. Let me see your finger. You should put a bandage on it or something.“

„Oh, yeah, you’re right.“ With his finger still deep in his mouth, Tom searched the cabinets for the first-aid kit. After few more minutes he whined happily when he found it hidden behind the plates in the last cupboard. He pulled the kit out and searched through the contents for a fresh bandage.

„I’ll help you.“

Before Tom could say anything against it, the singer was holding his hand, pulling his finger out of his pouted lips and carefuly examining the cut. „It’s not that bad, not deep, just torn skin,“ he informed Tom as if the boy didn’t know that already. He pulled out a bandage and looked at it quizzically.

„Really?“ he asked amusedly and glanced at Tom, whose cheeks were once again tinted a bright pink.

„Almost every kid in here loves them,“ he whispered shyly and closed his eyes in embarrassment.

The singer didn’t say anything else and put the Transformer bandage around the tip of Tom’s finger. „Here you go, kiddo,“ he smirked and let go of Tom’s hand.

Though Tom felt a bit touched, he didn’t say anything. He just stared at his hand, which had been held by Bill’s slightly colder one just a few seconds ago. It was incredible. If someone would told him yesterday that he would see his idol, with on his own eyes, in the middle of the night, and that he will talk to him, and be touch by him even, Tom would have laughed at them and told them that they were just crazy. All of his secret dreams were slowly coming true, and the happiness bubbling inside Tom was almost unbearable; the anger he had earlier was already long forgotten.

„Thanks,“ the dread-head squeezed out eventually and sat on the wooden chair Bill had been sitting on just a few minutes ago.

„It’s nothing,“ Bill waved with his perfectly manicured hand. He sat on the table in front of Tom. His crotch was at Tom’s eye level, which made the teen’s cheeks once again shine bright pink. „You know, it’s just… awful, I mean that I’m stuck in here. The Christmas Eve is in few days and that stupid snow and fallen tree are blocking the way out and I’m stuck… here!“ The singer threw his hands to the space and growled deep in his throat.

„Tell me ‚bout it,“ whispered Tom and examined his fingers. „I’m been stuck in here for ten years now.“

„How could you survive it for so long?!“

Tom laughed bitterly and shook his head. „You’re such a spoiled brat, aren’t you, Bill?“

„Huh?“

„Yeah,“ Tom nodded and looked the singer right in the eye. „It’s true, you are. You know, all the kids are here for some reasons. Do you have any idea why this place is called an ‚orphanage‘?“ Tom asked.

When the other boy just opened and closed his mouth a few times but nothing came out, he continued. „It’s because kids in here are without parents or other family members. We are not here because we want to be, but because we have to be. And I am sure that you will survive this one night.“

For the first time in the four years Tom has known of him, the singer was speechless. He was gaping at the dread-head boy, eyes wide and lips slightly pouted.

Even if Tom didn’t want to, he smiled.

„I’m sorry.“

„Nah, it’s okay,“ Tom smiled brightly, „I am sorry, too, but I was just being honest with you.“

„Well, I noticed that!“

Both boys laughed and the atmosphere lightened some.

„What is your name, by the way?“

Tom smiled a bit, the motion so small Bill almost missed it. „Tom.“

„Hi, Tom, I’m Bill,“ said Bill with a soft laugh.

They sat there, in the dimly lit kitchen, and just talked as if they were long lost friends who met again after many, many years. Tom told Bill about life in the orphanage and Bill told him in return about the famous life he had. Tom thoroughly enjoyed the conversation and the singer’s company.

Sooner than they would have liked it to, the morning winter sun began to rise in the cold winter sky. Its feeble rays shone through the small kitchen window and signaled that if any time was a good time for bed, it was right now.

„I can’t believe it’s six o’clock already,“ Bill yawned and stretched his stiff muscles.

„Yeah,“ Tom nodded and watched the hem of the singer’s shirt roll up a bit with the motion. „I had a great time with you, though.“

„I bet you had,“ Bill smirked and watched amusedly as Tom’s cheeks flushed in the poor morning light. But the singer couldn’t deny the fact that he, too, had a good time with the orphan boy. It didn’t happen often that Bill had a chance to talk with normal, ordinary people, let alone with a boy like this Tom-kid was.

In Bill’s eyes the dread-head teenager was shy, cocky, funny to talk to and a good listener. And if he would overlook the Transformers t-shirt, Tom was quite a handsome young boy with big, asymmetrical brown eyes which shone whenever the singer gave him a smile. His lips had a nice shade of light red color and were permanently slightly pouted. And his hair was tangled into dirty blond locks. All in all, the teenage boy held pure childish and immature perfection. And it somehow excited Bill.

„I, uh, just…“

Bill smiled at him and before Tom could finish, he asked him a simple, yet really personal question. „Are you gay, Tom?“

„I-what?“

„Are you?“

„Well,“ Tom nervously scratched behind his neck and gave a shy giggle. „Uhm… well…“

„I take that as yes,“ Bill said as he interrupted Tom’s poor attempts at making a sentence. He gave him a bright smile before he bent down to the other boy and quietly whispered in his ear. „I am, too.“

When he pulled away, Tom was blinking at him like a mad man. Does this mean he likes Tom? That Tom is his type or something? But before Tom could fully open his mouth to ask, his lips were covered by the singer’s own soft lips.

The kiss was slow, light and sweet. And in Tom’s case, it was completely unexpected. Their lips touched lightly. To Tom, it was everything that a perfect first kiss should be. But Bill had other plans for Tom’s lips. He slowly licked at the dread-head’s bottom lip and squzeed it gently in between his front teeth.

Tom shivered and opened his mouth, only to let out a soft moan. Before he realized what was happening, Bill’s tongue plunged deep inside his mouth and fought Tom’s tongue for dominance. The singer’s hands entwined in his golden dreadlocks, and tugged at them gently.

When they finally pulled apart, both panting for air, Bill smirked at the younger boy and licked his lips. He very much liked the other boy’s taste.

„Good night, Tomi-boy,“ he said in a sing-song voice and jumped down from the table he had been sitting on. With swinging hips, he left the kitchen, leaving an utterly confused and breathless Tom behind.