Someday In This Forever 17.

Two days later

The sun proudly shone over the sky lightening the earth with its rays. The curtains were pulled together to keep the sunlight from coming in through the window glass. He knew he was not going to school even today. So there were no worries of his father banging on the door to wake him. It was already 10:00 AM. Bill saw the same dream once again. He often watches this dream, dream of his mother who left him when he was just 3. He still misses her though he’s grown up now. Those beautiful eyes flash in his dreams. He can see her waving him a goodbye and flying away from him and he was a child crying for his mother, running after her to stop her, asking for one last chance to let him say what he wanted to.

All of a sudden, Bill’s eyes snapped open when they were no longer able to carry on with the painful dream that seems more like a nightmare. His tensed eyes paced right to left for a while, trying to figure out where he was. The place seemed familiar. It was his bedroom. He left an insightful sigh in relief. His heart was hammering extremely in his chest. He sat down and grabbed the water bottle from the bed table. He sipped from the bottle. As the fresh liquid soaked his throat, he felt the aid and ease. He rubbed his head for a while. He took the mobile which was next to his pillow. The screen said it was 28^th October, Wednesday; more three days left to Halloween. He sighed frustratedly. He thinks he’s useless. Michael asked for just one help and he could not do that. He is here on the bed fallen sick with the disturbing neck. He shook his head with another deep sigh and pulled his blanket away. He got out of the bed. He took a tight black jeans and an old t-shirt out of his closet along with a black boxer. He grabbed the towel from the chair’s back and went to take shower.

The warm water brushed Bill’s attractive thin fragile body. He stood under the shower spray closing his eyes. How despairing and bleak life can be! He felt void and invalid inside. He had nobody to laugh with. All he does to pass the time was to put as much makeup and jewelries as he could in every hour. That was the only thing that helps him staying busy and hiding the real broken void Bill. He felt awkward, absurd, unacceptable, worthless, objectionable and every other bad adjective about himself. He does not count himself with normal usual living being. He felt like a… like an alien, a creature from outer space. Drops of tear ran down his eyes with the black makeup he forgot to wash last night. The makeup classified the tears and water drops. He left echoing sighs about thirty times during the whole bathing session. He finally finished the shower and came out of the bathroom wiping the water from his neck length hair with the towel. He straightened his jet black hair with the hair-straightner. And finally came out of the room at 11:30 AM.

It was obvious that Bill was not going anywhere out of the house. He walked down the stairs. He could still see the cold breakfast served for him at the dining table. He sighed. There was a note next to the bowl of cereal. He unfolded the note.

„Going out, will be late. Take care and try to go out visit your friends or finish your homework or play games in Playstation. Do anything you want. Love you _ Dad“

Bill read the note and gently flew that onto the table and sat. He took a spoon full of milk and cereal. The cereal looked horrible filled with lots of larva. It actually wasn’t but it was Bill’s gross hallucination which he often does when he is alone at home. What more could he do? There was no one to laugh with him or play with him or tease him. Well there were actually lots of people to tease him for sure. He paced aimlessly around the entire house. His neck hurt a little bit. He wanted to go to school today but being in home is better than being picked on by people or maybe being bothered by people was better than hallucinating things alone in home; which one was good? He could not decide. However, at the end he changed his mind about going to school. In one word, he felt like an alien with nowhere to have a space of his own. He just groaned, punched on the walls, paced back and forth, hopped crazily up and down, danced with no correct moves, wrote songs, put some makeup on, changed clothes thrice a day, applied nail paint, sighed, cried, made dinner, ate and eventually waited for his father to come home when it was night.

8:30 PM, Bill was sleeping on the couch with his mouth partly open. The doorbell rang. Bill jumped. He blinked confusingly. The doorbell rang again. Bill looked over at the door. He sighed and got out of the couch. He ran to the door and turned the knob. Jörg was standing there with a paper bag in his hand. Bill gave him a slight smile.

„Hey dad, come in,“ he moved aside. Jörg grinned back at him. He entered closing the door behind. „I made the dinner,“ Bill said taking the bag from Jörg. He had made vegetable rice especially for his father.

Jörg narrowed his eyes smiling. „But…“ he agitated.

Bill’s hopeful sparkling face turned dim. „But what?“ He was not expecting a ‚no‘ from his father for the dinner.

„Actually I met a friend today, you know childhood friend… we had a long time together. So we already had food… making old memories alive once again… hope you understand,“ Jörg hesitated while talking. He did not want to break his cuddly son’s heart but he was too full to swallow more.

All the expressions faded from Bill’s face. „A friend?“

„Mm-hmm,“ Jörg nodded.

„In LA?“

„Yeah, he stays here for two years,“ Jörg grinned happily.

Bill grimaced slightly looking away. Jörg saw that. He knew he already broke his son’s heart.

„Well… we can eat this tomorrow,“ Jörg sounded cheerful. He wanted to convince his son but that did not work.

„No… it’s okay. I’ll dump that into the garbage can,“ Bill said throwing the paper bag on the couch. He silently walked to the kitchen without looking back anymore. Jörg sighed. He really had no intention of making Bill sad.

„Bill… hey Bill, tut mir so leid,“ Jörg spoke German. He walked after his son.

„No its okay… don’t say sorry,“ Bill sighed. He started putting all the food together stubbornly. Jörg tried to get the bowl from his hand but he moved away. He obstinately poured everything in a bowl and finally poured the mixture into a plastic bag. He dumped it into the garbage and ran away to his room. Jörg sighed noisily. He did not stop him. He knew home was the only place where Bill could be stubborn. He has no scope of showing his own right or rule elsewhere. He shook his head frustratedly.

Next morning, Jörg was cleaning the table. His friend, Gerald, was running his garage right now. He wanted to go late because of Bill who would surely not eat anything if he leaves him alone in home. Bill was over angry with his father. He wanted to leave after making his son have breakfast. It was near to 9:00 AM. Bill came out of his room. He was in his makeup as always and his hair was all puffed up. Sometimes his father wonders how he does that and when does he wake up to decorate himself like a black Christmas tree. He sighed shaking his head.

Bill walked to the dining table. He leaned against a chair effortlessly.

„Billie, I have to go in a few minutes. You have food,“ Jörg tried his best to sound busy.

„Why should I?“ Bill frowned, he sounded serious and furious.

Jörg stopped cleaning. He looked up at his son. He smiled to himself and left the cleaning rag on the counter behind him. He held Bill’s thin shoulders.

„Come, I’ll sit with you. Have food,“ he kissed on Bill’s forehead and made him sit. Bill had a slight screw up on his face. Jörg served the sandwiches on two plates and started eating making Bill hold a sandwich. He signed for his son to eat. Bill grimaced and took a bite but did not chew. Jörg narrowed his eyes smiling. „Was ist passiert? (What happened?)“ he asked.

Bill shook his head. „Nichts. (nothing)“

Jörg took Bill’s face in his hands whilst Bill’s eyes were down. „Bill… look at me, son. What happened?“ he asked more tenderly.

„Warum fragst du? (Why are you asking?)“ Bill frowned at him.

„Du siehst wieder ärgert. (You look upset once again)“

„Sorgst du dich? (Do you care?)“ Bill yanked his face away from his father’s hand.

Jörg turned Bill’s face at him.

„Ich sorge mich, Bill. Sicherlich dass ich sorge mich. (I do. Bill. I surely do.)“

„Bitte…! (Please!)“ Bill almost yelled. He quickly calmed himself down when his father’s wide surprised eyes caught his attention. He sighed. „Papa, es ist nichts. Mach dir keine Sorgen. (Dad, it’s nothing. Don’t worry.)“

„Okay…“ Jörg shrugged. „Wenn du so sagst. (Whatever you say.)“ He tried to change the topic,

„Du hast eine Nachricht von Michael. Er sagte, dass du bist in den Klassen aufgepasst nicht. Was ist los? (You got a message from Michael. He said that you were not attentive in classes. What is wrong?)“

Bill looked at his father with mouth hung open. „Again the same question! He says Mike complained about me rather than asking about my heath! What a liar!“ Bill thought to himself. He rolled his eyes to annoyance. „Papa, ich brauche einige Jacken kaufen. (Dad, I need to buy some jackets.)“

Jörg’s face turned serious this time. This was the eighth time his son was asking him for new jackets in last few months.

„Weißt du, wie teuer sie sind? Ich verstehe nicht, warum brauchst du jeden Monat neue Jacken! (Do you even know how costly they come? I don’t understand why you need new jackets every month.“ He scolded.

Bill snapped up at him. „Are you yelling at me?“ Finally one of them showed some mercy to speak in English.

„What if I say yes?“ Jörg stood, this time he was furious.

„I just need them. I don’t wanna give you any explanation. You don’t have enough time for me. You never have enough time for me. How would you listen to me why I need more?“ Bill yelled back.

„Okay,“ Jörg sat back once again, enraged. „Now I’m free. I’ll listen… tell me why do you always need more and more?“ he pulled his sleeves up to his elbows and waited for his son to reply. Bill tightened his jaw. His lips shuddered.

„Papa,“ his voice was shaky.

„No, I’m listening, Bill. I want an explanation. I want to know what’s wrong with you. Why do you always have to get annoyed and hide from me the whole day in your room when you return from the school? Why do you ditch your meal every time? What the heck is wrong with you? Are you retarded or what?“ Jörg yelled. He did not want to sound that much rude but his tongue slipped and he uttered more than necessary.

Bill’s jaws dropped apart. „Dad…“ he gasped in disbelief. „You want an explanation? Okay…“ he nodded and ran away to his room. Jörg was still surprised at himself. He wondered how he could speak those rude words in front of his son. He rested his head on his hands. He felt bad, really bad. He heard some noises from Bill’s room. He prayed that his son does not do anything reckless. Bill returned after a few minutes with some clothes in his hand.

He stood before his father and huffed heavily. He looked infuriated. Jörg then clearly noticed Bill was holding some of his jackets.

„Look at this,“ Bill held a grey and black varied jacket before his father. „Do you see this blue ink? Do you? This is the welcome of mine on my second day in this new school. My classmate Harry, the stronger guy did this.“

Jörg’s face turned softer. He started listening to his son carefully this time.

„And this… this is the mud from the puddle where they pushed me when I returned school after a week. Do you know why I was sick? I lied to you that I fell from the stairs and hurt myself. I was actually beaten by those bullier people who always pick on me on my every single step. Here’s the proof… see it.“ He held the bloody jacket this time. „Do you see the bloodstains? It’s my blood what you don’t care about. Neither do they. I puked the blood that day. I couldn’t even walk. However I managed myself. That’s why I need new jackets dad. Do you need any more explanation? Is it enough? You wanna hear more? They poured the mayonnaise at me on my first day. That’s it… that’s how it goes on. This has happened to me, dad. That’s why I’m always annoyed. That’s why we left Germany, did you forget? How could you forget dad? They always insult me. They ridicule at me. Don’t I even have the right to hide myself into my room, dad? Speak up, dad,“ he cried.

He could not feel his feet anymore. He knelt down crying. Silent tears ran down Jörg’s eyes. This was the first time he cried before Bill. He has always taught his boy to be strong which never worked or maybe worked, that’s why Bill did not attempt to suicide yet. The poor weak boy has endured a lot. His fragile shoulders and soft heart were bearing a huge burden of pain and anguish. He had had a lot, beyond the limits. Jörg left his chair; he knelt down before his son and hugged him. He made him rest his head in his lap. „Tut mir so leid. Bitte vergib mir, (I’m sorry. Please forgive me,)“ he wept. Bill sobbed. He could not response to his father while he was drowning in grief.

author: amazinglife2011