However, that nice place on the cliff was now Tom’s ‚happy place‘. His school was horrible and he retreated to the cliff to gain relaxation and peace. Just like he thought, school became hell for him after that encounter with the bullies. Nobody was talking to him. Girls, who seemed like they were about to like him on the first day, were now such a bitches to him. And guys? No point in talking to them. Those three huge boys from the cafeteria were present wherever Tom went. Everywhere he went, they were there, watching him and signing ‚Watch your back, gosling!‘ at him.
The teachers weren’t any better as Tom found himself being hated by them as well. He was lucky if they simply ignored him. If they really didn’t like him, he got called up to the front and asked numerous questions for which he would get reprimanded if he answered wrongly. Most of them tried to humiliate him whenever they got the chance.
Only Miss Smith was fair to him. She actually liked him and it was something Tom really needed here. Back in his old school, he used to behave like nothing was going on. But here it was almost impossible. When he tried to ignore all of those people, they only seem to aggravate him by taking his pencil or pen and exposing him when Tom tried to take it back. When he was in cafeteria for lunch, they spilled a cup of juice into his plate, in the better case.
Now, Tom was lying on the cliff with the sun shining high above his head and he was lost in his own dreamland. He used to have his own world since he was a little child. From the tender age of six, he was always by himself. It was almost understandable that he had an imaginary land. A place where he was safe and truly happy and where no school problems existed. In this place, where everything in school seemed to be twice as worse, he needed a place like this even more.
But this time Tom’s made up world was different from the past one. This time, he dreamed about things that were different. In his head, he imagined himself and that mysterious Bill sitting here, on the edge of the cliff, talking about random things. He imagined himself looking over Bill’s beauty and carefully listening to what he was saying. Even if he didn’t know him, he wanted him to be his friend.
Tom sat up and sighed. Yeah, it was really nice image but he wanted his dreams of being with Bill to become true. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and just stared down at the sea. A light breeze was softly playing with his hair as the murmur of the sea surrounded him. He was completely relaxed.
And then it came like light from nowhere. He was sitting next to him in the same pose that Tom himself was sitting in and was staring into the light waves.
„You are here every day. Why?“
Tom jumped up in a shock. He turned his head to the right side and with wide eyes, just stared at Bill.
„What are you doing here?“ He asked with a shaky voice.
„I asked you first,“ said Bill as he smiled and stared at the sea.
Tom sighed, ‚Okay, I completely lost my mind. But whatever.‘
„I’m here because I have no other place to go,“ he said almost truthfully. Almost. He still had his room, but he didn’t like it there as he did the first night. His room was big and empty, and he could hear all of the arguing that was going on between his parents. No, Tom didn’t have any other place to go.
„I think I know what you are talking about. Kind of.“
„Really? Good. Now, tell me what you are doing here.“
Bill smiled that beautiful smile and turned his head to face Tom. „I have no other place to go,“ he shrugged and looked over Tom’s body, „your clothes is strange.“
„Mine?“ He snorted and Bill laughed, „what about yours, then? From which year did you get your trousers, huh?“
„It doesn’t matter,“ said Bill and his smile faded away. He glanced back to sea and suddenly his eyes were blank.
‚What is wrong with this guy?‘ Tom thought as he looked him over.
„What is your name?“
Tom shook his head. „What?“
„You know mine. So, what is your name?“
„Tom,“ he said slowly. He was nervous and had no idea why exactly.
„You know, I love this place, since forever. When I was a little child my mom used to take me here. I always loved the sight. Don’t you think it’s really beautiful?“ Bill smiled again as memories of his childhood came to mind.
„I do,“ Tom smiled back and for the first time since he noticed Bill’s presence, he turned his head back to the view in front of him. It really was something special, something you don’t see everywhere. The sun was slowly going down and the red light created an interesting sight of blue water, white sparkles and bloody red sun.
„Bill… can I-can I ask you a question?“ He asked slowly without looking at the boy beside to him. Even if he couldn’t see him, he knew that Bill was smiling.
„Go ahead.“
„You know… how you got here? On the cliff, I mean. I never saw you comming. It seems as though you showed up just from thin air,“ Tom placed his chin on his knees and turned his eyes back to Bill. He was still looking somewhere in the distance.
The beautiful raven-haired boy was quiet for a long time. „It is a long story.“
„I have time. Tell me, please.“
Bill gave him a glance and a little smile, „not today, Tom.“ The way he said his name was like a balsam on Tom’s broken soul. Nobody in his life had ever said his name with so much tenderness.
„Why?“ Whispered dread head.
„Just because,“ Bill looked at him and stood up, „your mother is looking for you, by the way. You should probably go home.“
„No. No, Bill, please wait,“ Tom stood up and went closer to him. „Will you be here tomorrow?“
„Maybe.“
„Please, be here. I wanna talk to you.“
„You do, don’t you?“ Bill grinned and went around Tom and back on the road which lead to the town.
„Yeah, I do,“ Tom whispered and turned around. Bill was right; his mother was in front of the house waving at him frantically. He sighed and walked back to home.
==========
The next morning was a very good one. Tom didn’t have to go to school because it was Saturday. It was quite a relief to him. No ‚boss,‘ or his factotums, no teachers trying to make fool of him and no girls trying to put chewing gum to his hair. Yeah, it definitely was a relief for the dreadheaded teenager curled up under his blankets.
He was lying on his back, stretching his muscles and squeaking like a little cat. He had that beautiful dream about Bill. The smile on his lips just grew wider and Tom felt his groin tighten. ‚What the hell…‘
Tom frowned and slipped his hand down under the cover and lightly stroked himself. ‚Okay, this feels good,‘ he thought as he continued touching himself. ‚But why the hell I’m thinking about Bill while jerking off?‘
He didn’t know and at this moment, he didn’t care either. He just quickened the pace and covered his eyes with his free hand. It felt so good, too good. He started breathing heavily and in front of his closed eyes, he was playing that gorgeous smiling face of Bill. It didn’t take long for Tom to start moaning as he got closer and closer to his release. With a few last movements of his clenched hand, he made a loud whimpering noise and came all over his hand and boxers. A soft moaning of Bill’s name lasted on his lips.
He laid still on the bed as he calmed down from his high. Okay, that definitely was weird.
Tom sighed and took some tissues from the nightstand and cleaned himself up. He definitely needed a shower now. A cold one this time, though.
The dread-head stood up and again stretched his arms and legs. He took a new pair of boxers, shirt and jeans from the drawers and left for bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and frowned.
„You’re weird, man.“
He then threw his boxers on the washing machine and stood under the shower. First, he let himself be washed up by cold water, then, when he felt every hint of his erection was gone, he turned the temperature up so streams of warm water was massaging his skin. He cleaned himself up with strawberry shower gel and turned the water off.
Tom grabbed a towel and covered his hips with it. He brushed his teeth and then looked at the mirror again. He didn’t like what he saw. They were here for just one week but he looked like he hadn’t sleep for an entire month. The dark shadows under his eyes were almost scary and he lost some weight, too. He really need something that could make his life happier. Something, or someone, who could give him what he needed.
He sighed and got dressed. His mother was calling him for lunch. Wait a minute, lunch? Tom frowned and put his dreadlocks to a high ponytail.
„Hey, baby,“ the woman smiled at him when he entered the kitchen, and sat a plate of food in front of him. „Did you sleep well?“
„Hey, mom. Sure,“ he murmured and drank some apple juice. He looked up from the kitchen window. The weather outside wasn’t as good as yesterday but since it wasn’t raining it shouldn’t be a problem to get out of the house.
„Do you have some plans for today? With your friends or something?“ His mom asked and took a seat across from him.
„Hm, yeah I guess I do,“ he murmured again. „Where’s dad anyway?“
His mom cleared her throat. „He’s in town.“
„Oh, okay. Hey, mommy, I’m not hungry yet so… can I eat it later?“
„Sure, honey,“ Simone smiled at him.
„Fine. Well, I’ll be outside, okay? Bye, mom,“ he kissed her on the cheek and then left the house. His father was in town, huh? In town? Again with some chick? Anger filled his whole body as his vision filled with red. Tom pulled up a patch of grass and threw it on the ground. He was so pissed. They were here just a week. A WEEK! And his mother knew about it and again, she didn’t say anything. Again.
„Fuck you, dad!“ He hissed through his clenched teeth and went down to the beach. He actually wasn’t there yet but it seemed like a good time to look around. Bill could wait. He needed to get his anger under control.
The beach was as pretty as the cliff. There were huge grey stones, pieces of timber and yellow and grey sand. Frothing waves were lightly splashing on the shore and making soft fizzy noises. It was like a balm on Tom’s nerves.
He sat down on one white trunk and just stared at the waves. He hated his life. Because of his father, he had to leave his old home, old school and his one and only friend. It wasn’t fair to him at all. He didn’t do anything wrong so why is he paying for hisfather’s mistakes? Maybe if he would go there into the waves and just tried to drown himself, his problems would be solved.
Yeah, he won’t have to deal with the world anymore and the world won’t have to deal with him either.
He stood up and walked closer to the sea shore. ‚Should I really?‘ he asked himself, but before he could find the answer somewhere within, someone else did it for him.
„Don’t you dare go on.“
Tom jumped up in surprise and turned around.
„Bill? What are you doing here?“
„I said, don’t you dare! Come back here to me, okay, Tom?“
„Why should I?“
„Because I said so. And I mean it, Tom. Please?“
He was looking at him with those beautiful almond eyes and Tom couldn’t bring himself to disobey. He sighed and went back to the trunk and sat down obediently.
„It’s not fair, you know? My life sucks. I am worthless,“ Tom said with a broken, sad voice.
Bill sat down beside to him and gave him a small smile. „According to you, you might be. But for me, you are not worthless. You are a good person, Tom and I’ll never let you do something so stupid like suicide. Are we clear?“
Tom gave him a small smile in return and said, „if you say so. Yeah, I guess, we are clear.“
„Great. And now, tell me something about you.“ Bill’s smile was suddenly bright and Tom felt almost complete for the first time in his life.
Almost.
==========
It was almost the end of the May, Sunday. Tom was lying in his bed blindly looking at the ceiling. The weather outside wasn’t very kind; there was a huge storm, the sky was sparkling with bright lightening and above the sea you could hear the thunder. It definitely wasn’t time Tom wanted to spend out of his bed.
He sighed and closed his eyes, covering them up with his forearm. The dread-headed teenager was bored beyond belief. Who would say there would be nothing to do with bad weather? If the sun was shining high on the sky as always, Tom would spend his day on the cliff with Bill. But now he was stuck in his room, with his parents arguing downstairs. He didn’t want to listen to them, but he couldn’t go out either. Last time Tom went out with the storm going, his mother almost had a heart attack from fear.
It was about ten minutes later when Tom sat up on the bed, his eyes glued on the sky covered by the dark clouds. He desperately wanted to go out. He hadn’t seen Bill for what seemed like eternity. For a whole week it was raining, sometimes accompanied by storms. Tom could just go to school and back home.
No cliff.
No Bill.
Tom wasn’t really sure about his feelings for Bill, but he was more then sure that he liked him. A lot actually. He didn’t know much about him; in fact, Tom only knew Bill’s name. But he didn’t care at all. He didn’t need to know one single thing about him; he was satisfied with only boy’s company.
„Tom? Honey, can you come down, please?“
Tom rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to see his mother with red puffy eyes after crying, but it was at least something. And it was definitely better than lying in his bed with nothing to do. The overly-bored boy sighed and stood up, stretching his muscles. He yawned and whimpered when his back crunched.
As Tom went downstairs, he noticed his father’s car was gone. ‚Not again, please.‘ he thought as he passed by the window. He only shook his head and rounded the corner to the kitchen where his mother was sitting at the table. He immediately noticed her trembling hands and sad expression.
„Mom?“ He whispered and put a hand on her shoulder. „Are you okay?“
Simone lifted her head and smiled at her son. „Hey,“ she said, her voice a little too weak. „Want you some cookies?“
Tom gulped and took a deep breath. „What happened, mom?“
„Oh,“ she shook her head and smiled, „It’s nothing, baby. Your Dad was just needed somewhere else.“
Tom clenched his fists and tried to calm himself with deep breaths. It helped a bit. „Again?“
„What?“ Simone turned to him from packet of flour she was pouring into a big bowl.
„You know what I mean, mom.“ Tom came to her and broke one egg which he added to the bowl. „Did he do it again?“
His mother just shook her head and mixed the eggs with milk and flour. She didn’t say anything, which to Tom, meant he was right. He just couldn’t believe it. How could he? After what his father put them through, he just goes and does the same mistake once again?!
They were working together in complete silence. It took them just maybe 15 minutes to prepare the dough, and another 20 minutes to do their favorites cookies. Simone put them to the oven and cleaned the kitchen unit. Meanwhile, Tom sat at the table and just stared in front of him. He was still angry with his father.
„Honey?“ Simone cut off his thoughts about killing his father, so Tom looked up.
„Yes, mommy?“
She smiled at him and stroked his cheek. „Wanna go out after the cookies are done? It stopped raining.“
Tom looked out of the kitchen window and frowned. It really stopped raining while they were working on dough, but he didn’t feel like going out with his mother. Not right now. In this moment, he needed to be alone.
He turned his head back to his still smiling mother and managed a small smile on his own. „No, mom. I’ll just go for a walk, and maybe I’ll see Bill.“
„Bill? Is he your friend?“
She sat across from him and smiled. They were here for two months already and she never heard Tom talking about any new friends. In fact, she was afraid he didn’t have any.
„Well,“ Tom bit his lower lip, „Kind of.“
„That’s nice, honey. If you want to, you can go. I can handle it here by myself.“
Tom frowned; he didn’t want to leave his mother all alone. Not after her fight with Jörg. „You sure? I can stay here with you and we can have some hot chocolate and cookies. I can see Bill later.“
„No, Tom,“ she smiled at him sadly, „Just go out, I’m alright and you need to spent some times with your friends instead with your mother.“
„I like spending time with my mother,“ Tom said, offended.
Simone laughed and stroked his cheek again. „I know, and I like spending my time with you, too. But just go, I’ll be alright.“
„Promise?“ Tom looked at her doubtfully.
„Promise,“ she kissed his forehead and turned to the oven, checking the cookies.
Tom watched her for a few more moments, and then just went to the hall where he grabbed his hoodie. The little angry boy left the house and headed to the beach. He didn’t feel like going to the cliff. Sure, he missed Bill and wanted to see him as soon as possible, but not just right now.
Tom shoved his hands to his pockets after he put the hoodie over his head. He was thinking. Thinking about everything; his father, his mother, Bill, school, his old friend from who he hadn’t heard a single word for a whole two weeks, Bill, his hate towards his father. Thoughts were spinning in his head and he didn’t try to stop them.
Deep in his thoughts, Tom sighed as he sat down on the dump sand. He brought his knees to his chest and hugged them with his arms. The air around him was heavy after the rain, but at the same time really fresh and salty. Tom took in a deep breath and smiled a little. He liked the air in here. It smelled like real summer.
He closed his eyes for a moment. He thought about what he had back in town.
The Internet. Yeah, it was one big advantage; but the dread-headed boy didn’t need it in here. He could go without it for weeks and be okay. Another thing back in town was his best friend, Andreas. He is the sweetest guy Tom knew. Andreas really did care about him; he was here for him all the time, day and night. Tom really missed him.
Another thing Tom missed about the city was his skateboard. He loved skating around the city with his iPod on maximum volume. Here, he couldn’t do it. The ground around their house was an uneven surface; roads in the city were the same. Tom sighed. He really did miss his skateboard and Andreas; not necessarily in that order.
But here was Bill.
His mysterious Bill. He could compensate all the things Tom missed about the city. One smile, one single word and Tom felt happy again. He didn’t understand why Bill had such an effect on him, but he wasn’t going to complain.
Tom shivered. He looked around himself. He felt eyes on him, but he didn’t see anyone.
The tired teenager shook his head and stood up. Maybe he should go back home and be with his mother in the end. He didn’t feel well here outside today and he didn’t like feeling that his mother needed him.
Tom gave one last look to the sea. He sighed and started walking back to their house, when he felt those eyes on his back again. He stopped and looked around once more. On the cliff, above his head, stood a dark silhouette; Bill. Tom felt his eyes on him; he wanted to go to him and talk with Bill for hours like they used to.
But he couldn’t. His mother needed him right now, she was more important than Tom’s wishes.
He gave Bill one last look, even managed a small sad smile, and turned around heading home.
