{"id":8733,"date":"2011-05-05T14:30:00","date_gmt":"2011-05-05T13:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/?p=8711"},"modified":"2011-05-05T14:30:00","modified_gmt":"2011-05-05T13:30:00","slug":"space-time-story-31","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/2011\/05\/05\/space-time-story-31\/","title":{"rendered":"Space-Time Story 31."},"content":{"rendered":"
author: Janule<\/strong><\/div>\n
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All I think about the whole Sunday morning is how I am supposed to do it, how I am going to tell Tom? My nightmare scared me quite a bit, maybe it was a warning? Is Tom going to behave similarly as he did in the dream? Not accepting Davey? Hopefully I know him well enough… or maybe I don\u00b4t know him at all. I don\u00b4t know what\u00b4s in his head right now and I am not going to know yet for a few more hours.<\/p>\n

Waking up in the morning was still reasonably pleasant, warm shower that relaxed me so nicely, but from the moment I applied my make-up and left the bathroom I have had a sickeningly freezing feeling around my stomach.
My nervousness is obviously showing since my brother has asked me twice already if I am okay. I blame it on headache which I am probably going to end up with anyway because of all that stress. How should I tell him? I feel like I am coming home from school with a bad school report and I have to inform my parents that I failed. The feeling of guilt is eating at my heart and pulling me down. I keep imagining little Davey for whom I’m doing all of this, so I won\u00b4t go to pieces.<\/strong><\/div>\n

\n
<\/p>\n

I’d better start cooking and make some lunch for the two of us. Tom went down to the studio again, he can\u00b4t be without his beloved guitar for even one day. Hours of practice calm him down and I\u00b4m glad that I can stay here alone.<\/p>\n

Sabine called earlier this morning and asked me if I already told Tom. I suddenly didn’t know what to answer. She has no idea about the hearing at the court that takes place on Monday and it will most likely come as a shocking surprise to her. I will look like a liar. And not even just to her. The director of Ladybird will think of me that too.<\/p>\n

I told Sabine in the end that I\u00b4m about to talk to Tom this afternoon and she just wished me lot of luck. I will need it, that’s for sure. This evening I will still need to call mom so she knows that she is a grandmother now and before some preying journalist manages to do that before me instead.<\/p>\n

Out of the freezer I take some meat for steaks, defrost it and prepare it quickly with french fries and dressing. I don\u00b4t go overboard with vegetables. Neither one of us likes veggies too much, but it looks good on the plate.<\/p>\n

I go downstairs to the studio and while standing at a door frame I listen to Tom’s calm and pleasant playing for a while. He looks so content when he plays, I don\u00b4t want to disturb him, but I have to…
„Tomi, lunch is ready,“ I shout so he can hear me. He smiles at me beautifully, puts his guitar down and slowly walks towards me. „How about your headache, is it any better?“ He cradles my head in his hands and kisses my forehead.<\/p>\n

„Just a little bit, but it\u00b4s better,“ I tell him so he wouldn’t worry. He\u00b4s so gentle with me and I feel like I don\u00b4t deserve him.<\/p>\n

Together we go up the stairs and sit down at the kitchen table to have lunch. I get a big kiss from him as a thank you. Tom stuffed himself up and sits now satisfied at the table. I\u00b4m still slowly finishing my meal.<\/p>\n

„You are such a great wife…“ Tom praises my cooking skills with a wide grin on his face, but he has no idea that I\u00b4m just about to bring a child into our strange ‚marriage‘ too. Hopefully we can be one big, happy family, but it is still very soon to say… and first of all I have to tell him about it.<\/p>\n

I stack dirty dishes after our lunch in the dishwasher and follow Tom into the living room. He is spread comfortably across the whole length of the sofa watching TV. There\u00b4s some music channel on and it’s playing his favourite song right now. He\u00b4s singing happily along, tapping out rhythm with his hand to the beat.<\/p>\n

I bring a bottle of coke from the fridge. I pour us two glasses and offer one to Tom. „Thanks,“ he smiles and makes some room for me to sit down. I settle next to him and wave my hand to show him that he can lie down again. He puts his head into my lap and I place a small soft pillow under it to make it as comfortable for him as possible.<\/p>\n

I think hard about the first sentence. I can\u00b4t postpone it any longer, tomorrow a decision will be made about our lives and I need to grab the bull by it’s horns. <\/p>\n

„Honey, I need to talk to you about something,“ I tell him quietly. He turns his trustful eyes up at me. „Can’t it wait just for a minute? I would like to watch this first,“ he whines and keeps watching a programme full of news from the music world.<\/p>\n

„Sure… of course it can wait,“ I tell him with a sigh of relief, kissing his hair, but I know very well that it will come, anyway. I get some more time to think about it properly. I am deep in my thoughts when Tom shakes me back to reality when he reaches out to the table for the remote control to turn up the volume. I look at the screen and I understand why he would want to do that. There\u00b4s a news clip about our band being presented right now… or is it only me they are talking about? I am in most of the pictures, singing, but then again it is quite a norm with us. I\u00b4m the heaviest profiled one of the boys and it suits me.<\/p>\n

I listen to a reporter’s voice.<\/p>\n

„Frontman of the band, Bill Kaulitz, should probably worry right now about the upcoming September tour and about the fact that one of the band members got married and awaits a family soon.“ Photos from Georg\u00b4s wedding appear on the screen and I have to admit that his wife is really sexy.<\/p>\n

„But according to one of our trustworthy sources, the singer is dealing with totally different issues than practicing his songs from the new album. We have been informed that tomorrow a top secret court hearing will take place at the Berlin state court, where Bill Kaulitz might be granted custody of his three-year-old illegitimate son.“ I see a photo from yesterday morning, a photo of David sitting high up on my shoulders. I stare at that picture in absolute shock. I\u00b4m not able to perceive what they\u00b4re talking about anymore and I am looking instead into my brother’s wide, shocked eyes, burning through me.<\/p>\n

„Not like this… Tom… oh god… I didn’t want it to happen like this,“ I let out a desperate single sob while I am trying to take a strong grip of Tom who is springing forcefully from my lap and to his feet, glaring at me angrily. He pushes away my hands, looking into my face fixedly and hisses at me: „And how did you want for it to happen? How? That’s what you wanted to talk to me about? You knew you had a son!?! Do you remember what you promised to me? Two of us together… always together… everything sharing together?!!! Where are your promises now, huh?!?“<\/p>\n

Tears are stinging my eyes and I know that all carefully prepared sentences of explanation are totally useless now. This is the worst possible scenario that could have happened. I won\u00b4t be able to save this one anymore.<\/p>\n

„Honey, don\u00b4t go…“ I am pleading with him when I see him leaving. „I will try to explain everything, it\u00b4s not what it looks like. I didn’t know about it in the beginning. I had to figure it all out on my own first… then I wanted to tell you… honest. Please, don\u00b4t go… I…“ I am sobbing now, tears rolling down my cheeks, when I see his back. <\/p>\n

I run after him in attempt to stop him. I hang on his shoulders and try to make him turn to me so he can face me him when he touches the handle of the door.<\/p>\n

„Don\u00b4t touch me, Bill, don\u00b4t you ever touch me again!! You lied to me before, you\u00b4re lying now and you always will. I don\u00b4t believe you anymore! You\u00b4re the same as him!“ he screams, shakes my hands off of him and slams the door behind him. I can hear his steps on the stairs.<\/p>\n

My body slides down to the floor and I weep in desperation. He can\u00b4t do this to me. It\u00b4s not my fault. Not mine. It was all the old Bill’s doings, not mine. I lie on the hard floor, curled up into a ball so that no one can hurt me anymore. He will leave me, I know it, I will stay alone.<\/p>\n

I feel Scotty’s tongue licking my hand, whimpering at my head and trying to get his nose closer to my face. I hug him gratefully and all my hot tears are spilling into his soft fur. Everything, absolutely everything has gone to pieces right now, my whole dream-life which looked so beautiful and promising. This is the end of it. I lied to Tom and he will never forgive me. I saw it in his eyes. There was pain and hatred there. I disappointed him and he kicked me out of his life like a dog he doesn’t want, anymore. No, he wouldn’t treat a dog like that, he likes dogs. Me, he hates though. <\/p>\n

I have to pull myself together. I can\u00b4t lie here on the floor forever. There\u00b4s still a person in my life who needs me right now. Yes, now I have to sacrifice everything for Davey. He will be the very centre of my life from now on, the person for whom I will live. My love hates me for the time being, but I won\u00b4t give up. I will try to explain everything to him, hopefully he will want to listen to me one day, when his initial hate and flaming anger would have subsided somewhat. I will tell him everything and if he won\u00b4t listen to me, I will write to him.<\/p>\n

I get up from the floor. I don\u00b4t even know for how long I have been lying here. One glance at the clock I can see it’s half past three.<\/p>\n

I can hear the door slam upstairs and speedy steps on the stairs. Tom\u00b4s running away, he\u00b4s leaving me. Now I hear his sport car roaring in the garage. I\u00b4m not able to stop him and it is tearing my heart to pieces. Why didn’t he want to listen to me? He must have known that it wasn’t my fault. Yes, I did lie to him, but I just wanted to protect him from all the pain the other me caused him. He must understand that.<\/p>\n

During the time I was lying in the hall with Scotty, my cell phone rang a few times in the living room, but I didn’t even have the energy and the mood needed to go and pick it up. There are a few unlisted telephone numbers amongst missed calls and my mother’s number. Somebody probably called her and told her what they saw on the TV. I have to explain it to her.<\/p>\n

„Bill, finally. I was worried about you. What happened? Tom called me and he was crying, telling me that he would come home for some time. He didn’t want to tell me any details. Did you have a fight?“ my mom spouts questions at me. So she doesn’t know anything yet. Tom goes back home to mom and I am left here alone. My tears start spilling again.<\/p>\n

„Mom, he left me,“ I am sobbing into the cell phone.<\/p>\n

„Billy, don\u00b4t cry and tell me what happened. You will make up, you always do. Just calm down, ok?“ my mom consoles me.<\/p>\n

„It won\u00b4t be ok, mom… not this time. I’ve let him terribly down, I lied to him and I didn’t tell him that I have a son!“ I finally manage to get it out… the whole cruel truth to my mom. For a moment there\u00b4s a nerve wrecking silence on the other side.<\/p>\n

„What did you not tell him?“ my mom asks again to make sure that she heard right.<\/p>\n

„I have a son, mom. He\u00b4s three years old and tomorrow I will be fighting at the court to get a custody of him. His mother is dead and I want to raise him.“ I sigh in resignation and I wait nervously for her response. <\/p>\n

„Bill, darling, why didn’t you tell me? Why am I not the first one to hear such a wonderful news? Gordon, I\u00b4m a grandmother,“ my mom shouts enthusiastically to my dad and I feel a big relief. I couldn’t have anticipated a better reception than that, but she\u00b4s my mother after all and she would love me even if I was a murderer. Finally I\u00b4m happy again, for a while at least.<\/p>\n

„What\u00b4s his name?“ she asks and more of her questions is flooding me quickly.<\/p>\n

I tell her everything in detail and I’m really happy that I could finally share it with someone. She\u00b4s the only one, except for my lawyer, who knows the whole truth about David and doesn’t judge me. She understands and I feel incredibly grateful.<\/p>\n

„Bill, I will be in Berlin in a few hours, stay home, don\u00b4t go anywhere. I would love to go to the court with you tomorrow, I can\u00b4t leave you in this alone, can I, with Tom being gone. Don\u00b4t worry, when he arrives, I will explain it to him somehow. And don\u00b4t cry. Everything will be ok. He\u00b4s got such a temper, such an impulsive personality, but after he calmed down, he would let you explain. For now though, my grandson is the most important. You shouldn’t need to deal with it all by yourself, you need someone who cares and that has always been my job. Wait for me, I’ll drive as fast as I can,“ my mother finishes enthusiastically and hangs up the phone right after she says „Bye.“<\/p>\n

I\u00b4m happy and relieved. Yes, after couple of hours of total despair I\u00b4m happy again. Mom has made sure of that. She has always been the best mom in the whole world. I can\u00b4t wait to see her, to give her a kiss, to hug her tight. Mom, hurry up, I need you. Desperately.<\/strong><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
author: Janule<\/strong><\/div>\n
betaread: TokioKoos & green_and_blue<\/strong><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

author: Janule All I think about the whole Sunday morning is how I am supposed to do it, how I am going to tell Tom? My nightmare scared me quite a bit, maybe it was a warning? Is Tom going to behave<\/p>\n

Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[422],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8733","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-space-time-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8733","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8733"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8733\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8733"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8733"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twincestblog.cz\/domains\/twincestblog.cz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8733"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}