Space-Time Story 26.

Abrupt knocking on the door resonates through the office which makes me jump to my feet nervously.

„Come in,“ Mandy says way too loudly.

The door opens and there they are, a nurse holding my Davey in her arms. „He didn’t want to come with me, so I had to carry him,“ the nurse explains, uncertainty palpable in her voice as she puts Davey on the floor.

I´m standing right in front of him, but his height forces me to kneel as I did yesterday.

„Hi David,“ I say, offering him my hand.

He raises his wide bright eyes to me and smiles slightly. My heart almost stops.

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„Hi Bill,“ the boy replies and slide his tiny hand into my big sweaty one. I give it a customary but gentle squeeze and when I want to let go of him, I realize his fingers are wrapped tightly around two of mine, clutching to them for dear life. His second hand hold his Winnie the Pooh toy pressing it to his tummy. He remembers me… it´s a success.

I turn to Mandy to see what she thinks and I can see a smile spreading across her face.

„It looks to me that you two are going to get along just fine. Davey, would you want to go for a short walk with Bill?“ she asks and when the boy nods in agreement, she lets us leave the office.

He´s so tiny that when I try to walk next to him and hold his hand, I have to lean down a little. Luckily I have long arms.

He holds my hand tightly and when we get to the main door, he stops and looks up at me.

„What?“ I am suddenly scared that he changed his mind and doesn’t want to go with me anymore, but he just points at his dotted slippers and says, „I don´t have any proper shoes on.“

„I see, where do they keep your shoes then?“ I´m looking frantically around the hall, when my eyes finally target a wide shoe closet.

„Over there.“ He points in that same direction already pulling me towards it. He sits down on a low bench, attentively taking off both slippers handing them over to me.

I look helplessly at the shoe closet that contains a couple of long rows of various shoes and I try to estimate which one could possibly belong to him, when he says: „I have a drum,“ and he points to the left corner.

I notice colorful stickers next to each pair of shoes and amongst them there is also a picture of a drum. I bet these must be his. I put them on him and I´m proud of myself. My first attempt to take care of my son went quite well.

The weather outside is really nice, the summer sun warming us up, shining brightly, so we sit down on a garden bench and look over the fence towards near forest.

„How are you doing?“ I ask in neutral tone.

„Could be better,“ he answers in such a adult-like way that I have to smile.

„Really?“ I say cheerfully but I am not sure what to say next.

„Where´s the auntie?“ he asks me suddenly.

„You mean the one who was here with me yesterday?“

„Yeah, the one with the black hair.“

„She had to go to work.“

„And you don´t have to?“

„No, I have a day off.“

„I see.“

Silence takes over again and I try to come up quickly with some appropriate topic of discussion but my mind is totally blank.

Mandy, heeeelp, I´m thinking in my head, when all of a sudden a question takes my breath away.

„Are you going to be my new daddy?“

Now you better do your best Bill, you have to really think before you answer. Damn, what can I say to this? Hopefully yes, but it´s not sure just yet. I can´t give him too big hopes and then crush them again. I get a brilliant idea to answer the question with another question.

„And you would like me to be your daddy?“ I look searchingly into his eyes.

„Yes, I think so. I like you,“ he says decisively and my heart almost leaps out of my chest. I feel overjoyed by the answer he gave me. Hurray, I feel like screaming on the top of my lungs into that quiet forest, but I can´t. Mandy wouldn’t be pleased.

I take a gentle grip of his waist, lifting him up from the bench and placing him on my legs, his face towards me.

„I like you too… very much so.“ I give him a butterfly kiss on the middle of his forehead.

„You can ask Mrs. Director then, maybe she can give me to you,“ my son advices an appropriate official procedure and I just nod with a serious face.

„I can always try, okay?“

„Okay,“ Dave takes it as a sure thing and wants to shake hands, as a validation of our agreement. We do, and as I hold his tiny one in mine I can´t suppress a tear forming in my right eye, and rushing down my face.
David takes a notice, moves closer to my face and wipes the remnant of the tear with his finger.

„Don´t cry… big boys don´t cry,“ he says with a serious face and I burst into loud laughter while my face is still stained with traces of salty water.

He smiles brightly back at me and in this moment I know that he´s mine. His smile is identical to Tom’s when he was a little boy. Twinkling stars in his brown eyes shine the same way as in my brother’s. I embrace him and hold him tightly in my arms.

His small hands come together behind my neck and he puts his head on my shoulder.

I would love to tell him the whole truth, but I have no certainty that they will give him to me. I am going to fight like a tiger for him but until then, when he is mine, I can´t tell him, not just yet. He trusts me and I don´t want to disappoint him.

„You smell like nurse Monika,“ he informs me when he lets his arms drop back to his sides.

„Really?“ I grin at him.

„Uh huh, her hair smells the same as yours.“

„Can I visit you again?“ I ask.

„Oh… you have to, otherwise they won’t give me to you,“ he looks dead serious and shakes his little head as if he was wondering why I am asking him such damn stupid questions. It is pretty clear, isn’t it? His eyes are saying.

„Okay, we have an agreement then but now we better be going, it’s a snack time,“ I tell him the reason for our return and I put him back on the ground.

„Can I piggy back ride?“ he looks at me with hope in his eyes and I remember how our father used to carry us on his shoulders when we were small. I always used to argue with Tom who would go first. We would even make time schedules so it would be fair.

„All right, turn around.“ I help to direct him so he stands with his back towards me. I lift him up and over my head holding him tightly by his waist till he is finally seated on my shoulders behind my neck, each leg dangling down. His hands are suddenly clasped on my forehead. He lowers his chin into my hair and holds on tight. I grab his legs and together we walk in the direction of the house.

It was time to say good-bye. I would love to spend the whole day with him, but Mandy gave me just a half an hour.

„Okay then, bye, Bill.“ He is obviously aiming to shake my hand and I can see that he´s a little bit sad.

„Bye, Davey, will you give me a good bye kiss?“ I ask and before I know it his clumsy lips land on my cheek and stay there glued with a great power.

„Thank you,“ I whisper to the cute darling child, kissing his cheek too. „I will be back soon,“ I promise and try my best to pull myself together so that my eyes won’t well up with tears in front of him again.

I return him to the nurse and turn back three times waving each time until he disappears from my sight. As I am getting into my car, hot tears start rolling down my face freely and I am not trying to stop them. I agreed with Mandy that she would give us some more time when I come to visit again. I´m lucky that David seems to like me and communicates with me. Was it the other way around it would be so much more difficult. I have to take my camera with me next time and take some pictures of him.

On the way home I stop at a gas station and take the opportunity to buy a filled baguette for my lunch. I decide to take one more just in case and I leave for home. It’s getting close to lunch time and normally, I would be just waking up by now, but lazy times of long mornings will probably come to their end pretty soon. I have a son now and he will surely wake me up earlier than Scotty. Our dog adopted daily routines from me and my brother easily, but my adorable little man, my Davey, probably won´t respect those.

I stop at a supermarket and buy some TV dinner food and frozen pizzas, then I rush back home to Tom. Shit, I totally forgot that I´ll still need to have a serious chat with him about all of this. The pure thought totally ruins my mood. Maybe Sab wasn’t right when she thought that Tom would be against it. I am sure when my brother gets to know Davey, he surely falls in love with him too, but it will take some time before it comes to it, before I will be able to introduce them to each other.

First of all, I need to make Tom feel better, to get him over his hangover and then I need to talk to him. The day before yesterday he was the one doing all the talking, tonight it will be me. I´m really not looking forward to it, but David is so worth that moment of fear.

„I´m hoooomeee!“ I announce my home coming, shouting and walking through the doors. Nothing, silence like in a church, the only co-motion behind the door of my flat is Scotty running around. He waits for me and the moment I unlock the door, he rushes at me, licking at my face. After he had greeted me properly, he returns to his place in the kitchen and falls asleep again, snoring loudly as if nothing had happened. Tom must be still in the bed too.

I put away the food I bought into the freezer, I change the wet t-shirt and then I head upstairs to have a look how Tom is doing. I unlock the door quietly and enter his bedroom. The towel that was previously on his head is dry now and it´s on the floor next to the bed. I see a glimpse of his dirty blond hair peeking from underneath the blanket, he´s all bundled up.

I can´t help myself and I pull a portion of his blanket from his face to have a look at his expression when he sleeps. He looks like he is not plagued by any nightmares anymore, his face holds a content expression of a satisfied baby and he breathes regularly. I stroke his face tenderly. I cover him again and while doing so he suddenly grabs my hand and pulls me down to him. „Aaaaaw,“ he yells like crazy but he also immediately wrinkle all of his face in obvious pain that his own shouting must have caused him. „Oooouuch,“ he whines watching me with hurt expression while I am trying to stand up.

„This time you got a taste of our own medicine, huh?“ I grin at him. His antics scared the shit out of me again, as they always do, but this time he got to pay for it at least.

„Don´t go anywhere, Tomi has a headache, he needs your healing hands,“ he is whimpering in a childlike voice, trying to keep me in his bed.

„The one who made you so drunk should also make you feel better,“ I tell him and try to shake him off of me.

„It wasn’t Gustav´ fault, he told me to stop, but it tasted soooo good yesterday.“ He reminiscences over yesterday´s evening out with our drummer. „We had such a blast, we must have been to at least four clubs and five pubs and at each one they had something different I just had to try, you know?“ He tries to make excuses for his miserable drunken state.

„Do you do this often? Sabine asked me yesterday when we were dragging you upstairs and I didn’t know what to tell her.“ I look at him reproachfully and sit on the bed next to him after all.

„Last time I got drunk was at Geo´s wedding, but before that… hmm, maybe six months ago or so,“ he says innocently and I am relieved. I would be less than pleased if it turned out that he drinks the same way as he did in our old, past life. I certainly couldn’t take that.